8/2/11 Bob Seester the Builder

So the Seester and Stubby are up to something cool - in November they are going to Chitwan, Nepal to volunteer with Habitat for Humanity's Global Village to build houses for families that desperately need them. The people of Chitwan are especially poor, and due in large part to a decade-long rebel insurgency, many were chased out of their homes and now live in crowded, substandard houses - some of which are little more than lean-tos.


With the insurgency finally over, Habitat is working to provide safe, simple and decent housing for the people of this community, each of whom have demonstrated a commitment to paying it forward by contributing "sweat equity" to building their neighbors' houses before qualifying for their own.

It costs about $1500 to send someone overseas for these kind of projects, so Seester and Stubby have made it a goal to raise $3000 to pay for the cost of their trip to keep Habitat's good work going. Check out their webpage here , and if you are able, please consider making an online donation while there. All donations are 100% tax deductible, and go to a great cause. So like I said, check it out, because any donation, big or small, will help. (Go on now, click that little blue link). I thank you, the Seester thanks you, Habitat for Humanity thanks you, and some well-deserving families in Nepal thank you.

That's a lot of warm fuzzies, don't you think?

6/15/11 Baptism

ZB's baptism was a few weeks ago, but I'm just now getting around to organizing the pictures. I figured that if I was going through them on my online photo album, I might as well share a few.

It was a really great service. Family showed up from as far north as Chicago and as far south as Savannah to witness it. ZB wore the christening gown that my great-grandmother made roughly 60 years ago...the same one that my dad was christened in, as well as all of my uncles and cousins. It's gotten soft and thin from age and numerous washings, but it was neat having that kind of family history.

To augment the family christening gown, (which in addition to being white and fairly unadorned, was a little big on ZB and therefore looked like she was wearing a pillowcase) my mom made a satin and lace over-robe, bonnet, and matching blanket. All together, she was just lovely. (Plus she really enjoyed raising her legs and watching the fabric billow up around her-endless baby entertainment there).

ZB hadn't yet made it through an entire church service without needing feeling the need to express herself vocally, so we were a little nervous about sitting in the very front where we wouldn't be able to slip out easily, but it turned out that our fears were for naught. She was perfect the entire time. Even when the priest poured water on her head. Even when he marked her with oil. Even when everyone crowded around to take pictures afterwards. She was a trooper, and she handled it with grace and dignity. (Well, except for the very very end when we had a minor diaper explosion, but a little bleach in the pre-wash and that gown will live to see another 60 years).

Seester and her husband Stubby were the godparents, and they did a great job. They didn't even drop her or anything.

After the service, we all headed over to Mom and Dad's house (our house is too small for so many people) and had a fabulous barbecue lunch that I'm still dreaming about. (Seriously, we had various flavored trifle for dessert, and the other night I had a dream that I was eating chocolate trifle by the handful. That stuff was sooooo good! It is also a main reason why I'm not back down to my pre-pregnancy weight either).

So a good day. I'm so glad that both the church family and the family-family were able to witness and celebrate with us. How lucky ZB and we as her parents are to have so many people who love her so much.

12/19/10 Tony, the Blahs, and the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra

Oooooh ya'll, I had the best time yesterday. We went to the Christmas show that the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra puts on, and it was just beautiful and magical and lovely, and I just had the best time!

Of course, the day didn't start out like that. You ever just wake up in a cranky blah mood for no particular reason? Well, that was me. Color me blah. And the closest reason that I could come up with was that I needed some excitement. My previous week was blah, my errands were blah, and we had absolutely no Saturday plans, which was blah cherry on top of my blah cake.

I think you get the picture.

Now normally, Tony (being of the male persuasion and all), can be somewhat blind to my blahs. On any given Saturday, the list of items that gets Tony's attention is 1) the sporting event currently playing on TV, 2) what is available to eat in the kitchen, and 3) the upcoming sporting event that will come on after the current sporting event is concluded. Whether or not his wife is emitting deep theatrical sighs falls somewhere around 4,783 on the Tony attention-o-meter. (Unless I cry. Sudden bursting into tears gets me up into the top 5, but only for as long as it takes me to tell him what it wrong. Lack of a specific reason drops me back down to around 28...high enough to make him pat me awkwardly on the leg while I sniff uncontrollably, but not enough to actually remove his eyes from the Bears/New England game. Like I said, he's a man).

But Tony must have been on especially on his game yesterday (or else it was halftime), because he picked up on my blahs without even a sniffle to clue him. And then he did the best thing. He gave me a hug. A good long bear hug. And then the second best thing...he asked if I wanted to go to dinner and the symphony.

To which I replied, "Oh my word, you've got some kind of terminal disease you aren't telling me about, don't you?"

See, I love the symphony. Love it love it love it. But this is a small miracle in terms of how Tony is usually willing to spend his Saturday nights. And just so you understand the full and total scale of this miraculous miracle, you should know that also playing at the Civic auditorium, at the very same time, in the very same venue as a the symphony orchestra, was a hockey game. So not only was Tony willing to sit through the symphony, but he was doing it instead of watching a hockey game.

And nothing says I love you like Tony skipping the chance to see a hockey game in order to sit through Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies.

(In fact, I'm still not sure the terminal disease thing is entirely off the table).

But we went, and it was fabulous. I got all gussied up in my finest giant blob maternity going-to-the-symphony clothes, and we had a lovely dinner at the new hibachi Japanese place (my choice...I was jonesing for some stir fry zucchini), and then we went to the Christmas show, which not only had the orchestra, but also the Knoxville Choral Society and a ballet dance troupe.

(I know! The symphony AND ballet! Not only is he terminal, but he's probably lost the house in a poker game and isn't telling me).

But you know what? I think he liked it. Maybe not enough to get season tickets, but enough that he didn't fall asleep or sneak off to catch the hockey score during intermission. And I loved it. The music was fabulous, the singing was fabulous, the dancing actually made me cry at one point. (Happy crying though, not blah crying. Apparently pregnancy hormones REALLY enjoy the Waltz of the Flowers. Go figure.) In fact, the one and only thing I'd change was the guy with the 2 year old girl that sat next to us. Don't get me wrong. The 2 year old was perfect...she never made a peep. The man, however, sang along with the orchestra on some of the songs. I did not come to the symphony to listen to you warble along to Little Drummer Boy, sir. Especially since you do not know all of the correct words.

But other than that? Fabulous Saturday night date. My own personal Prince Charming rode in, battled the blah monster, whisked me away for a magical night of music and dance, and then returned me safely home (where he promptly checked the game highlights, because he SWEARS he isn't dying).

So I guess the moral of the story is that my hubby is the best hubby ever. (Sorry ladies. He's all mine). And also, it's impossible to have the blahs when listening to the KSO do their Christmas show. And if you get a chance, go see it, because it is awesome.

You don't even have to have to be on your death bed.

5/11/10 Poor Dead Brother Larry

So the last time I was up visiting the Seester in Chicago, she invited a bunch of her co-workers out for cocktails and to meet me. Invariably during these kinds of things, someone always notices that I don't drink alcohol. Of any kind. Ever. (Or coffee, or carbonated beverages for that matter, but mostly it's the alcohol). It's not that I have any kind of moral or health reasons for abstaining...I just flat-out don't enjoy the taste. If you try to explain this to people, however, it always kicks off a game of "Have you ever tried..." (This is a game where people name off their favorite drinks and are just sure that you would loooooove it if you just tried it...here, I'll order one...no really...no really!...You'll love it!...Okay, now take a sip of that and tell me you don't love it...really?...not at all?...huh...well, okay then. Then everyone is bummed and a little weirded out because what kind of person hates their white bloody Russian mai tai sunrise margarita tonic with lime?)

Anyway, I was explaining this phenomenon to Seester before everyone arrived, and we agreed that instead of dissing their nasty drinks, what I really needed was a story.

Enter Larry.

Larry, we decided, was our poor deceased brother. (Need an extra sibling? Just invent one!) Unfortunately, brother Larry wasn't long for this made-up world, because almost immediately after popping into existence, he was ruthlessly run down by a beer truck. (A small microbrewery whose name we didn't catch so as to avoid defamation in future retelling). It was all very sad, and I swore after it happened that I'd never drink again. Moment of silence at the table for Larry. Poignant lesson learned, and no one ever follows it up with telling me, "Dead brother aside, have you ever tried..."

Note: We did not actually ever use this story on anyone, so don't be sending me hate mail about soaking up fake sympathy for a brother that never actually existed. It was more of a joke just between us.

Anyway, we'd reference poor dead brother Larry every now and then as an ongoing joke, but lately I'd decided that poor Larry had gotten a little stale (no pun intended) and I needed to spice things up. Therefore, I am including a copy of the text message transcript between Seester and myself about officially retiring poor Larry:

From: Me
To: Seester
11:39 PM

Please be advised: I have decided to retire poor dead brother Larry. Instead, I shall henceforth tell people that regretfully, I am a mean drunk, and even though the manslaughter charges were eventually dropped, I loathe to ever allow myself to lose such control again. In fact, I will be so tortured that I will refuse anyone to even speak of the dreadful circumstances surrounding the event in question.

I believe this gives me a persona of mystery and hard won self-control while still letting people know that I am one bad mo-fo.

Please make a note of it.

From: Seester
To: Me
7:06 AM

RIP Larry. Anything in particular bring about these revisions to our dear family tree? Or do you just prefer to be one bad mo-fo?

From: Me
To: Seester
2:26 PM

Well obviously mo-fo trumps unfortunate sibling any day. But no, It just came to me out of nowhere and I decided that this would be better motivation with a more permanent outcome on my behavior. Plus it allows you to imbibe without appearing to be the heartless evil sister who never cared a whit for dear Larry or the ill-fated lessons his death teaches.

You're welcome.

From: Seester
To: Me
3:35 PM

We all cope differently. Got it. Dead Larry out, badass mo-fo in.
By the way, patto says we are sick for ever inventing and then killing off Larry.

From: Me
To: Seester
4:21 PM

Oh sure, like Patto never created and then offed a phantom sibling. Certainly not his long-lost twin Guido (or as I refer to him in my blog, Grubby).

Besides, we didn't kill off Larry. The beer truck did.

So. There you have it. Larry's out, my criminal past is in, my brother-in-law thinks we're deranged. (Nothing new there).

(Also, just as clarification, Patto is Stubby on here. Seester's Hubby condenses to Stubby, get it? And no, he doesn't actually have, or ever claimed to have, a twin named Guido, but if he did, I'd so be calling him Grubby. Or at least Gubby, but I like Grubby better).

Another illuminating example of why I am, in fact, insane. (And how it apparently runs in the family, poor brother Larry excluded).

1/26/10 Chicago: Space, the Bus and Chicks, man.

This is day five of my Chicago adventure. Due to the full day of playing that I did yesterday, I took the morning off and lounged around to catch up on my TV watching. The afternoon, however, was full of tourist-y fun.

12:00pm- Today I got smart. Yesterday the cold took me by surprise, but today I was ready for it. I put on two pairs of socks, (one being bright red knee length soccer socks), two shirts, my heaviest cords, and my trusty tennis shoes. I also commandeered one of the Seester's scarves from her coat closet and wrapped it over my head. On top of that I put my hat and my furry scarf. The result was a cross between Nanook of the North and Maid Marian, but whatever works, right?


12:33pm- Took the Green Line down to Garfield and set off towards Hyde Park. Along the way, I came across a frozen pond. Since I don't recall ever actually seeing a real life frozen pond before, I took a picture. Riveting, yes?
12:44pm- Wandered through the University of Chicago campus on the way. The architecture is amazing here. Do you think they'd let me live here?

1:3opm- After a brisk two mile walk, arrive at the Museum of Science and Industry. This place is huge! I played here for hours today and still didn't make it through everything. There are dozens and dozens of interactive exhibits here.

1:58pm- This is me on the thermal camera in one of the exhibits. Note the complete lack of heat in my hands. This explains why Tony flinches whenever I try to warm them on the back of his neck. (Hey, don't judge me. You know you'd do the same thing given the chance). Apparently suffering from poor nose circulation too.
2:10pm-She's got the whole world in her hands. (Okay, okay, so it's technically the moon, but close enough). There's a fabulous planet exhibit here.2:14pm-Just hangin' out with my pal the nebula here.

2:49pm-This is your brain. This is your brain sliced into little tiny slices and mounted under glass. Cool, huh?
3:03pm-One of the exhibits is on genetics, complete with chick hatchery. (This was probably my favorite part of the whole museum). For 30 minutes, I watched this little guy peck his way out of his shell (which is apparently pretty exhausting since he just basically laid around after that). I'm amazed that he was even able to fit in that little egg! I mean, not exactly a lot of closet space in there. (And especially with the size of his feet! He's like the Bigfoot of the baby chicken world. Like claw-shaped clown shoes. Poor guy.)
3:09pm-After they've had time to rest up and fluff out a bit, they hang out on the chick playground. Strangely, I developed an incredible craving for marshmallow peeps.4:00pm- Museum closes and security chases escorts me out. I had planned to walk the 2 miles back to the Green line, but right as I was passing a bus stop, a downtown bus showed up out of thin air. (I have a no bus policy due to the high concentration of crazies that seem to find me whenever I board them, but I figured that such perfect timing could be a sign). So I got on. And I rode all the way back to the Seester's apartment, and no one, crazy or otherwise, paid the slightest bit of attention. I consider it a personal growth victory.


4:36pm-On the way home, I passed a Potbelly's, which any Chicagoan will tell you has the best sandwiches EVER. I treated myself to a tasty roast beef and pickle sandwich. Delicious!
8:00pm- I couldn't possibly leave without having a traditional deep dish pizza, so we had one for dinner tonight. Tomorrow I'll grab a quick lunch with the Seester and then head to the airport for my trip home. While I've had a blast here, I must admit that I miss my Tony-kins.

1/25/10 Chicago Trip: The Day in Which I See A Whale, Some Stained Glass, And Almost Die in a Blizzard

So this is day whatever in my Chicago saga. (Four? I think this is day four. They're beginning to run together). Anyway, since Seester and Stubby had to work, most of today was a solo day to do the touristy stuff.

9:00am- Woke up to an empty apartment. Seester and Stubby had already left for work. Started another Holmes story. (Victim poisoned, cabdriver did it). It's quiet here without anybody else around.

11:00am- Set out to meet the Seester for a lunch date. High is 24 degrees with snow showers today, so I bundle up in what I refer to as my Russian Princess ensemble. ("Boris! Get moose and squirrel!")
11:03am- Holy Smokes it's COLD! Cold cold cold! I know that the Seester wants us to move up here, but I will never ever ever ever ever ever...

11:07am- ever ever ever ever ever ever get used to this cold! This wind is inhumane!

11:15am- arrive at Seester's office building. Snap action shot of Seester on the phone. (Seester would like me to inform everyone that she is not actually a hunchback. She has the phone cradled on her shoulder). Introduced to several of her co-workers. Smiled and tried to look friendly.


11:30am- Go to lunch with Seester and co-worker Allison. (I wish I had taken a picture of Allison, because she has the most beautiful complexion. She glows, only without all that pesky pregnancy stuff). Had the french dip and about 5 pounds of fries. This trip is going to make me fat.

12:20pm- Seester and Allison go back to work and I am on my own. Study my set of written directions so I don't get lost and wander aimlessly around the city until Seester gets off work and can rescue me. (How embarrassing would that be?!?) First stop is the Smith's Stained Glass Museum at Navy Pier. I manage to make it without getting lost once.
1:10pm- Am walking down Navy Pier to get to the museum entrance. This place is like a ghost town! I'm the only person here! Very quiet and Twilight Zone-y. I could be the last person on Earth (Start humming Twilight Zone theme song).
1:42pm- Wandered through 150 stained glass exhibits. Such pretty colors! Have decided to live here in the museum and be forever surrounded by glowing windows and the spirit of Mr. Tiffany.
2:03pm- Time to leave the stained glass behind (tear). Have figured out why pier was so empty earlier...all the smart people are walking around inside the building. Wish I had thought of that.

2:04pm- Trying to get to a bus stop, but am confused by my own directions. Break down and buy pocket map from quickie mart.

2:08pm- Realize that I am not going to make it to the bus stop in time for bus. Decide to hoof it directly to train station instead. This means more walking in the cold, but I'm happy with that because it means foregoing the bus. (I seem to have an irrational fear of transit buses. I suspect that they are full of crazy people. No idea why. I said it was irrational, didn't I?)

2:12pm- Snowing. Humph. Not enough to be cold and windy...has to drop bits of frozen water on you too. Why can't Seester live in Miami?

2:28pm- Walking to subway pickup. On the way, I spot Trump Towers rising up through the clouds. Seester's apartment is close to Trump, so seeing it always orients me. Tiny personal happy dance for not getting myself lost.

3:00pm- Hit El station. Found the right platform, the right train, going the right way. I rock!

3:05pm- Successful dismount of train at Roosevelt. Am feeling pretty good about this whole mass transit thing.

3:06pm- Spoke too soon. Become momentarily stymied as to how to exit the train station. Can only find up escalators. Wait for next train to arrive so that I can secretly follow people down to street level.

3:09pm- Pause to take picture of sculptures around Museum Campus Park.
3:10pm- Pause to take pictures of frozen me around Museum Campus Park. Neat city background though.
3:12pm- Pass giant metal sculpture in front of Field Museum. Entitled Big Beaver Totem Poll. Snicker because I am secretly eight year old boy.

3:17pm- Arrive at Shedd Aquarium. It's free admission day! Woot!

Picture of random fish.


Picture of random ray.
Bad ill-defined picture of giant sea-turtle (see large blobby thing up at the surface).3:58pm- Scuba Diver is in one of the big tanks to do some cleaning. Little girl (4 maybe?) yells, "Look Mommy! A mermaid!" Close, kid. Need to review your Disney movies a few more times though.

4:04pm- Witness 2 map turtles staging WWF Smackdown on a log. Loser turtle gets knocked off into the water below. Winning turtle raises fists (claws?) and sings We Are the Champions. Also see baby beluga whale (huge!), swimming sea otters (adorable), and a lungfish (which happens to be the oldest living captivity animal in the world. He arrived to the aquarium in 1933). Neglected to take pictures of ANY of this. Instead, I took a captivating 10 second video of...two ducks. (Because where else can you possibly see ducks? Other than EVERYWHERE, I mean.) To be fair, they were cute ducks who swam right up to where I was sitting beside the glass. Not exactly award-winning material, but feel free to watch anyway. (If you listen closely, you can hear me going, "Hello ducks! Hello ducks!")



5:00pm- Shedd Aquarium closes. Security finds my hiding spot in the Amazon River room and chases me out. Upon exiting the building, I discover a raging blizzard outside. Wind is blowing 400mph and snow is everywhere! (Note: Snow propelled at your face at 400mph hurts!) Wind/snow combo is so bad that I cannot read the street signs. Even native Chicagoans are complaining. Completely disoriented. Eyes are watering and makeup is running everywhere. Resemble member of Kiss. Right about the time I decide to give up and just wait until someone finds me in the spring thaw, I stumble across the train station. Take train back to Seester's office where we meet up to go home. (Storm is not as bad away from the lake. Seester thinks I am just exaggerating when I claim to have barely escaped with my life).

7:15pm- Seester and I meet up with buddy Zach for dinner. I had (insert fancy sounding name here) that basically ended up being shrimp and cheese on fancy crackers. Still, very tasty. We split a chocolate mousse truffle cake for dessert. Zach is certifiably insane. I like him. Kinda reminds me of me.

9:30pm- Zach decides that he wants an after-dinner cocktail. He drags us through the freezing cold for several blocks until he finds the place he is looking for.

9:31pm- Cocktail place is closed on Mondays.

9:33pm- End up at bar next door. Zach has a brandy. Seester has wine. I have water. Seester gets overly theatrical and sloshes wine on me while gesturing. (Ironic that I am the only one drinking water yet end up smelling of alcohol for the rest of the night). Waitress treats us to full cleavage shot while bending over table. We make witty (read: snarky) remarks about fellow bar patrons.

10:30pm- Zach and Seester have to work in the morning (suckers!) so they call it a night. I map out tomorrow's museum adventures. Weather guy calls for even more snow and colder temps. I may not survive this vacation.

1/24/10 That "Windy City" Thing? Totally True.

It's day three of my Chicago pilgrimage. The weather is kind of blah today, so we've been taking it easy. (Which is kind of a shame because I totally picked today to be dressed in the cuteness. And when I'm wearing the cuteness, I want to be out and about so that other people can see and appreciate it. 'Cause I'm just thoughtful like that). But I'm getting ahead of myself. First we must go back to the beginning.

10:00am- I wake up. Like I said, it was totally overcast and rainy today, so I slept in. It's just that kind of day.

10:20am- Despite the 100% humidity, the Seester wants to play hair salon and straighten my hair. I like the look of my hair straight but am usually too lazy to do it myself, so I agree. See my cuteness?

11:55am- We head to Rockit for brunch. I have the biscuits and gravy, Seester has the waffles, and Seester's hubby (who will henceforth be called "Stubby" for simplicity's sake) had the fruit and granola. (I tried to get a picture of Stubby looking fierce over his manly-man granola, but it turns out that he is unable to keep from smiling when confronted with a camera. Oh well).
1:05pm- We leave brunch and pop over to the furniture store where Seester saw the couch yesterday. Stubby doesn't hate it, so Operation Sweet New Couch moves into the next stage.

1:52pm- Arrive back home. Seester is laying out possible furniture placement on graph paper. Stubby is playing some kind of Batman video game (Batman seems to have some anger issues). I am flipping through the new issue of Southern Living. (The Chocolate mousse pie recipe looks promising. Earmark that one).

3:56pm- Some of the Seester's pals have invited us over for a get-together tonight, so she and I head to the grocery store for football party fixins'. (Question: If you use all beef franks for pigs in a blanket, are they still "pigs"? Would they not be tiny cows in a blanket? Discuss amongst yourself and get back to me).

5:41pm- Leave for Sam and Abby's house. This "get-together" sound suspiciously like a party, which I am completely against, but Seester promises that it will be just a low key watching of the football game.

6:10pm- Abby does not hear us buzzing to get in the door, so we stand out in the cold and freeze for a few minutes. Seester unsuccessfully tosses rocks at the window. Finally, the second floor neighbor takes pity on us and lets us in.

6:20pm- Turns out that this really is a casual get-together, and despite a few moments of discomfort where I immediately forget all the names of the people who were just introduced to me (Mike? Mark? Max?), I find myself relaxing. The room is unanimously cheering for the Saints, and Farve endures increasing abuse from us as the night goes on. The game is nail-bitingly close, and I am shocked to report that I stayed enthralled with it all evening (usually I am bored by half time). I credit my undivided attention to the close score and snarky comments about the players by all those present (I appreciate quality snark). Oh, and the cows in a blanket, which were delicious. Naturally.


7:03pm- Also? Garlic Triscuits and feta cheese. So tasty! (And so funky on the breath!) Still worth it though. I ate roughly 50 bazillion. NomNomNom!

8:20pm- Abby has an interesting ability for influencing the game. She'd say, "You know what? I think the Vikings should fumble the ball now" AND THEY WOULD! Or she'd say, "I think the Saints should catch an interception" AND THEY WOULD! I wanted to drag her out to buy lotto tickets immediately.

10:14pm- Game over. Return home. The Seester and Stubby have to work tomorrow, so they call it a night. I research the best routes to take for my solo adventures tomorrow. Mass transit kinda gives me the heebie-jeebies (I seem to attract the psychos for some reason), but the forecast tomorrow is a high of 34 with snow showers so lots of walking is probably out. However for you, kind reader, I will brave both the weather and the nutcases. We're going cultural tomorrow so stay tuned!

1/23/10 The Adventure Continues...

This is the second day in the continuing saga of my trip to Chicago, complete with play by play and embarrassing pictures. Try to contain your excitement.

9:00am- Wake up. I've been having a dream that I am buying purses from a street vendor with a guy I used to work with. I'm also trying to convince him that some woman murdered my brother. (I do not have a brother). Am slightly confused as to where I am when I open my eyes.

9:03am- Stumble into living room. The Seester is watching project runway. It's the episode where they have to make outfits out of potato sacks. I sit down to watch too.

9:27am- something wrong with recording. Show stops right before the fashion show. Seester and I are enraged! Who wins best potato sack outfit?!?

9:43am- Find article with recap and pictures of clothing.

10:10am- boil some eggs for breakfast. Discuss various childhood memories. We marvel that we have turned out to be so normal.

12:22pm- Getting ready to go out and be touristy with the Seester.


1:00pm- Swing into place called Steve's Deli for lunch. We both order the turkey club. Delicious!
1:39pm- The Seester wants to pop in to a furniture store to look for a new couch. We find one. Spend the next 30 minutes looking at possible upholstery samples. We like the sage best. Seester promises to come back with her hubby.

2:12pm- Wander into another furniture gallery to look at a couch Seester has dubbed "the slug". (I think it looks like the Michelin Man). It tries to eat me. Seester has to pull me up to safety. Barely escape with my life.

2:39pm-Window shop fancy lighting store. Seester likes a giant silver chandelier. I like one that looks like a tie rack with light bulbs.

2:47pm- Next stop is a bath fixture store. Wander around looking at the unusual bath tubs and sinks. When the sales guy isn't looking, Seester sneaks a picture of me posing by my favorite tub. Random customer spots us and thinks we are nuts. I return the favor by making her climb into a giant porcelain cereal bowl to take her picture. (Note: ever since she saw her picture from yesterday's post, the Seester has demanded to approve all photos before they are posted. Told you she wouldn't like that picture).

2:48pm- Seester okays her giant bowl picture.

3:11pm- Pop in to weird antique store under guise of finding funky vases. Instead we discover ceramic juggler/clown dolls with bright red skin and expressions of being tortured. Seester suspects anti-clown demonstration. I suggest that they represent Carney burn victims. I may have nightmares tonight about these clowns.

4:03pm- We stumble across a street with several art galleries. Since I am always looking for inspiration for my painting (such that it is), we duck into several. Seester likes the warm ones with reds and oranges. When I get back home, I will try to paint her something with these colors. Everyone needs a blind monkey original.

5:45pm- Seester's buddy Zach picks us up for a quick trip to Benny's. The Seester finds a couple of tasty beverages. I model a couple of bottles myself.


6:20pm- Zach drops us off at home. We grab the Seester's hubby and head to California pizza kitchen. Seester and I split a garlic chicken pizza and two slices of chocolate banana royale cake. (We started out just splitting one, but it was so good that we ordered a second one. We're talking rolling around in the floor good. I got down on my knees and pledged my undying devotion to this cake. This cake could launch a thousand ships). I heart this cake.

8:31pm- Fat and happy over two pieces of cake. Heading home. The Seester pulls up this video so that I can watch it. We end up singing poker face for the rest of the night.




11:14pm- Seester conks out. (She never was a night person...I'm actually impressed that she lasted this long). I type up the day's adventures. Will probably hit a quick Holmes story as a nightcap and hit the sack. And so the adventures continue. More tomorrow.

12/28/09 The Christmas Recap: Did I Mention the Part Where We Eat?

Hooooo-boy what a Christmas! I'm hoping all of you had a safe and fabulous holiday. Things were certainly merry and bright over here at the House of Quirk. The Seester and her hubby flew in from Chicago (not on a plane with terrorists and their exploding pants, thankfully) so the whole family was together for all the wassailing and yuling and merrying we could manage.

We started out early on Christmas Eve morning, doing what the Quirk family does best, which is eating. There's a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant called Gracie's out in Maryville that does authentic Southern cooking, and anybody who knows anything about good eatin' heads for Gracie's for breakfast. It'll take 10 years off of your life because Mama Gracie herself is back in the kitchen drowning everything in lard and butter and transfat deliciousness, but it's totally worth it because you will die with a smile (and fresh biscuit crumbs) on your lips.

After a fortifying breakfast of biscuits and gravy with a side of bacon and more gravy, the family headed over to the mall to pick out the official family Christmas ornament for 2009. It's a bit of a tradition that each year we get an official ornament depicting ourselves as teddy bears or penguins or whatever the ornament makers decided to group six of a kind of for that particular year. That done, we sent the boys home and Mom and the Seester and I headed to a sports store for a bit of last minute stocking stuffer shopping (where we also accosted a stranger in the checkout line, but that's a story for another day).

Having eluded store security, we headed home to bake-and I'm not exaggerating here-five boxes of brownie mix and 2 boxes of cake mix. (I told you that the Quirky family liked to eat). We made them in holiday shaped cake tin things and then decorated them with colorful icing. (They were adorable, although Heaven knows I'm going into a diabetic coma just thinking about them).

Then Tony and I took off for the Midnight Christmas Eve Mass (actually held at 9pm), which is, as always, lovely to behold (even with the woman next to me who sang lustily despite being completely tone-deaf. Kudos to you, woman who can't carry a tune in a bucket. Good for you for not letting the not-so-subtle glances from the people three pews in front not dampen your Christmas spirit).

Christmas morning has us back over at Mom and Dad's for the official opening of the presents. (I received a Dremel Multi-max (score!), some Van Gogh reproductions, a new PDA cover, The Big Bang Theory Season 2, a spa gift certificate, and a zippered hoodie with Tony's hockey team name on the front). Then it was over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house to chow down with the whole extended family (hence all the brownies and cakes). Christmas Day night saw us back at Mom and Dad's house, where the guys watched the Batman: Dark Night DVD (a Christmas present) while Mom, the Seester and I played cards in the kitchen. (I trounced them thoroughly).

On Saturday, Tony and I headed out to Turkey Creek to pick this up:

It's his new shiny red Dodge Dakota extended cab pickup truck. (It wasn't technically a Christmas present...the heat had gone out in his old truck and it would have cost half of the blue book value to fix it so we just traded it in for this bad boy). It's used pre-owned, but the former owners totally tricked it out with every optional chrome doohickey and truck-y gadget possible, so to say that Tony loooooooooooves it would be an understatement. He's named it Magnum because of the V8 engine. I call it P.O.R.T (Pimped Out Red Truck).

While Tony was out thinking up pointless errands to run in his new truck, I spent the afternoon with the Seester and Melanie. We laughed until we cried at some Youtube videos (they deserve to be a post of their own), and then various family members showed up for a rip-roaring poker game that evening. (The Seester's hubby, Patto, ended up wiping the floor with everyone. Cough!shark!cough!)

The Seester had to head back to Chicago on Sunday (booooo!), but we managed to get in another meal (surprise surprise) at a Japanese Hibachi place and then three games of bowling at the local bowling lanes first. (Why bowling? I have no idea. It's not like any of us have bowled in years, and none of us are really very good. I argued hard for the kiddie bumpers, but was eventually voted down). We did guys against girls, and had each managed to win one when my team totally imploded in the third game. (We were plagued by injury...otherwise I am confident that we would have smoked them). Still, a fun time was had by all, despite the fact that I cannot move my shoulder today.

So that was our Christmas. Lots of family, lots of laughing, lots and lots of food. I had to take most of today just to recover from it all. (Of course, I also maintain that those are the best kinds of holidays to have). I know it's a long post...I'm sorry. Feel free to read it in installments if that helps. Take your time.

I'll just be over here eating the remaining two dozen brownies.