11/2/12 Yes Virginia, There Is a Halloween

So I know I kind of left it on a cliffhanger last time- the question on everyone's mind (and by "everyone's" I mean only me of course) was will she or won't she?  When we last left our heroes, ZB was refusing to wear the hat of her Halloween costume.  We'd been trying to get her to wear it for the entire month of October to no avail.  I wasn't sure what we were going to do if she balked on the big day.  It was quite the nail biter.

But! I am happy to report that on Halloween morning ZB got up and let me put her costume on her, hat and all, like it was no big deal.  Was it because she knew that it was finally the right day to wear a costume?  Was it because it was cold and she was glad to have a hat on her head?  Did she see that vein throbbing on Mommy's forehead and decide to cut her a break?  Who knows what goes through a toddler's mind?

Anyway.  I officially present...two scary and ferocious monsters!

And one of the ferocious monsters is blowing you a kiss.

ZB's costume was available commercially where all fine baby Halloween costumes are sold.  Last year Mom made her lion costume for her, but she (meaning Mom) is having back problems and can't sit at her sewing machine for any length of time, so no free sewing labor for us this year. (Boo!)  So I ran through all the costumes at Babies R Us and Walmart and Target and anywhere else that was like, "we sell overpriced poorly made polyester costumes that your child will wear exactly once!"  And this one caught my eye because it was just so gosh darn cute.  And made halfway decently.  And not obscenely overpriced.  So I was all, "Monsters it is!"

I mean seriously.  Have you ever seen anything cuter in your life?

The only problem was that the hat was a teeny bit big and the "teeth" kept slipping over her eyes.  Surprisingly (and hysterically), ZB's instinct is just to take off running blindly when this happens.  

My costume was a little harder.  Can you believe that they don't make adult monster costumes?  (Actually, that's a lie.  They do.  I found a couple on a website that sells fantasy lingerie.  For all your monster fetish needs, I suppose.  But it isn't really the kind of monster outfit that you can wear to take your child trick or treating.)  So I improvised.  Really improvised.  First of all, it's hard to find purple fur around here.  And if you do, it's something like $18/yard.  Which is crazy.  So I used a blanket instead.  I'm serious.  In the teen bedding section of Walmart, they have all these assorted furry pillows and throws and whatnot.  And they are much cheaper than $18/yard (I think $14 for two or so yards worth...and lined!), so I bought a purple throw and cut it up.  Instant monster fur.  

Secondly, I'm kind of self-taught when it comes to sewing.  My skill level is somewhere around "hem a pillow case".  I couldn't read a pattern if my life depended on it.  So I made up my own.  The skirt is based on a wrap-around skirt that I had in my closet, the leg warmers are just material that I wrapped around my legs, sewed the seams together and put elastic band at the top.  And the hat was me literally laying my head down on the material and tracing around it with a pencil for the size.  I'd sew some parts together, eyeball it, and go, yeah, those sides look mostly even.  Plus, monster fur is very forgiving.  It's so fuzzy you can't see the seams anyway, so no one has to know about that zig-zaggy spot where the sewing machine got away from me a little.  

Standing together, we are monsters.  Alone, I look like a giant purple bath mat with horns.

So those are our Halloween costumes for this year.  I think they turned out well considering that they were almost not to be.  Hopefully she'll remember how much fun she had this year and not fight me so much about it next year.  A Mommy can dream anyway.

Trick or Treat!

10/29/12 She Could Have Danced All Night

So...yeah.  I'm know it's been a few weeks since I've been on, and my excuse is that we have all been very very busy doing such awesome things that I haven't had the slightest free moment in which to write about them on the ol' blog here.  (And this is the part where, having just expressed your displeasure at my absence, you sigh and decide to forgive me and then rub your hands together in anticipation of reading all this awesome stuff.)  Except that, having completely set your expectations to ridiculously high levels, I have just blanked on everything that has happened to us in the last few weeks.

Wait! Wait! I just remembered something!

Last weekend Tony's sister Mary got married!  Originally Mary wanted ZB to be a flower girl or something, but the church has some kind of rule about no flower girls under five (or something like that...I can't really remember the specifics) so Mary asked if ZB could help me and Tony carry the sacraments down the aisle for the mass part.  And we said sure, that would be lots of fun, she'd love that, and Mom and I immediately went out and bought her the cutest little dress.  It has a silver top, puffy white tulle and sparkles and rhinestones, so you know it was a complete hit with the under 3' crowd.  ZB was so excited when she put it on that she kept spinning around and patting it and lifting the skirt part over her head.  (If that doesn't say yes to the dress, then I don't know what does.)  Then I found a kind of similar top (similar in that it was also silver, not that it had tulle or sparkles or rhinestones) and Tony a new sports coat, and off we went down to Charlotte where the wedding was being held.

Oh ya'll, the whole wedding was lovely.  The bride was lovely, the groom was lovely, the church was lovely, we were lovely...it was all just lovely.  The only thing that was slightly unlovely was that when it came time to do our part, instead of holding Daddy's hand and walking down the aisle to show off her pretty dress, ZB suddenly decided to go boneless and refused to stand on her own two feet.  And since people kind of frown on you just dragging your toddler behind you like a sack of dirty laundry, I ended up carrying the gifts, and Tony carried ZB, and her little dress was all scrunched under his arm and no one could really see how adorable it was.  (Which we all know is why everyone came.  Not to see the bride or groom or anything, but to see ZB's sparkles and tulle. Am I right?)

Notice how Mary was a good girl and walked down the aisle with her Daddy, so everyone was able to see her pretty dress.

Of course, ZB overcame her shyness as soon as the wedding was over, because then we were headed to the reception, and there's nothing that that girl loves more than a PARRRR-TAAY!  There's just something about her when the music gets started.  Her toes start tapping and all of a sudden she is off like a shot, headed towards the dance floor to get her groove thing on.  And trust me, she totally stole the show too.  At one point I looked up and everyone else had formed a circle around her on the dance floor and clapped as she got down with her sweet toddler dance moves (read: jumping, random arm waving and spinning).  She is a dancing queen.  And who knew that size five black patent leather Stride Rites were such great boogie woogie dancing shoes?

She enjoyed getting down and funky so much that we had to physically carry her off of the dance floor when it was time for the Bride/Father and Groom/Mother dances.  She was really miffed about it too.  She honestly could not understand why the bride and groom didn't want to share their special moment on the dance floor with her.  Luckily, we were able to temporarily distract her with some wedding cake so that she'd be all sugared up and ready to go again when they called for group dance time.

So that was our weekend.  Aunt Mary and Uncle Brett got married.  We discovered that the high ceilings in the church make great echoes when you yell really loud in the middle of the ceremony, (and also that being whisked out and into the cry room off the lobby is much more fun than trying to sit still in a pew with Mommy and Daddy).  And we learned that when there's a party going on, little girls can completely forgo sleep.  All they need is a dance floor and a good beat, and they can dance all night.



Edited to add:  Sorry for the delay in posting this.  For some reason, blogger refused to load my video.  It would load part of it and then freeze, causing great weeping and gnashing of teeth.  I FINALLY compressed it enough to load, but it took sweet forever and a large chunk of my hair.  All that is to say, enjoy the video.

Edited again:  Okay, apparently the video didn't load after all.  Another large chunk of my hair is now gone.  However, the video loaded just fine on facebook, so if we are facebook friends feel free to watch it there.  Meanwhile, I will continue to insult Blogger's mother for refusing to upload a simple video. 

10/3/12 Gettin' Our Bounce On

Last week Groupon had a deal for 4 passes to a place not far from us called Bounce USA.  It's basically a warehouse full of moon bounces and other inflatable games, and since ZB likes those kinds of things, I said yes please to the groupon and today we went for the first of our bouncy house adventures.  I call the following Dark Side of the Moon Bounce: A Bouncy Adventure in Picture Form

This is the special toddler area...age 2 and under only.  Not even adults allowed.   Tiny tyranny at its best. 

It has a ball pit!  We love ball pits!

Look Mom!  Ball pit angels!  (Seriously, it was a good 30 minutes of ball pit! Ball pit! Ball pit!)

I was finally able to drag ZB away from the ball pit and into a bouncy house.   She's a great bouncer...

except for times like this.  Face plant!

There's a toddler slide.  We very carefully climb to the top...

Eye of the tiger, baby.  Eye of the tiger.

Ready! Set! Go!

Wheeeeeee!

Back to the ball pit! Did I mention that we love the ball pit?
(So much so that I think I'm going to have to break down and put the at-home version on our Christmas list.  My poor living room will never be the same).  

Once we mastered the toddler slide, we took on the giant slide together!  Here's Mommy and ZB at the veeeeeeeery tippy top!

Action shot!

Zb was all, "Oh my gosh that totally blew my mind!  My whole short life flashed before my eyes!  
It was awesome but I never want to do that again".

Quick bouncy time-out to ride this rockin' (literally) Harley.

There was an inflatable batter's box where the ball floated on top of a jet of air.  ZB thought this was magic.

And finally, ZB's favorite part of the whole trip.  Inflatable bouncy houses and ball pits are fun, but nothing beats pushing a button and watching the water shoot out of the water fountain!

7/13/12 A Tasty Little Calorie-Free Pick Me Up

I know everyone and their brother has done a version of Call Me Maybe, but this is by far the best one I've seen. Ever. I've watched it about 20 times and I still can't stop laughing. So if you haven't already seen this (and even if you have), consider this your Friday pick-me-up.

 It's almost as good as having an actual cookie.

 

7/11/12 Because All Science Should Be Taught in Cartoon Form

Listen, no doubt you heard the news back on July 4th about the scientists at CERN discovering evidence of the Higgs-Boson particle.  (Or maybe you just saw the viral video clip of reporters asking people in Brooklyn what they thought Higgs-Boson was and them coming up with ridiculous answers like, "It sounds brown" or "That's a metal band, right?" or "A creepy European man who goes around flashing people?"  Sigh).  Of course, I'd like to claim that I know all about the Higgs-Boson because I am a brilliant genius who can discuss advanced theoretical physics around the dinner table, but the truth is I first heard about it on that show "The Big Bang Theory" (who says TV doesn't make you smart?).  Then I happened to come across it again while reading Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything (if you haven't read it, you should.  It's funny and well-written and makes science easy to understand.  Or at least enough understanding to not look like a total idiot if some reporter asks you what you know about CERN's latest particle discovery).

Anyway, the physicists are all in a tizzy because they found something that may be the Higgs-Boson particle (which is really a tiny cosmic building block, also know as the "God particle" that indicates mass for everything else in the universe), and because I like to know what Sheldon and Leonard are talking about with their smarty-genius jokes, I was interested in just what all the hub-bub was about.  And after reading a couple of articles and being forcefully reminded that I am not, and will probably never be, a physicist, I finally found a link that I think does a pretty good job of explaining just what it is.  Or might be.  And to make sure that it's totally lay-person accessible, the lovely scientists made it a cartoon.(Because no doubt after watching the guy explain that it sounded like magic, "and by magic, I mean drugs", I'm sure they thought we needed it).
So here it is, because I thought it was neat and that you, brilliant Internets, might like it also.





PS- Lest you think I'm trying to show off how very smart I am, please know that spell check has just informed me that I cannot even spell the word "physicist".  Something tells me that the Nobel Peace Prize committee won't be contacting me any time soon for my amazing work in particle physics.  

7/5/12 More American than Apple Pie, Stars and Stripes, and Freaky Robot Fire Dogs

Well hey there Internets!  I hope everyone had a wonderful July 4th yesterday!  Personally, we had an absolute blast!  Mom and Dad's neighborhood had a parade (and being on a golf course, everyone decorated their golf carts), and then a big cookout, band, demonstrations from the local fire and police K9 unit, and finally swimming in the neighborhood pool.  ZB loved loved LOVED every single second of it.  In fact, we only took her home after she was so exhausted that she fell asleep (although she managed to hold out for an hour and a half past her usual nap time) and when she woke up (three hours later) she was mad that she was at home instead of still at the party.  She is a little party animal, that one!

First, the parade.  Mom stayed up until 3am the night before in order to decorate the golf cart.  Ya'll, these people take this parade seriously.  There were 26 golf carts in the "Best Decorated Golf Cart" Competition, and you've never seen so many flags, streamers and balloons in your life.  Here's our cart:

And ours was one of the more subtle ones. 

On the cart: Mom, ZB, myself, two Yorkies, and one sweaty Uncle Sam
who was just forced to run up a big steep hill behind us.

Here we are in the parade.  That's my Dad in the giant Uncle Sam hat, hanging off the back.  He and Tony were originally supposed to walk behind the cart with the two dogs, but after the first big hill, the dogs rode on my lap, Dad spent most of the time hanging off the back, and Tony raced ahead to the cart in front of us who was handing out Popsicles to the people watching and snagged a couple for himself.  Still, we are quite the patriotic sight, no?

Tony and Dad, post golf cart chasing but still looking patriotic.

And me, having actually been smart enough to ride in the golf cart from the beginning.
(Hey, it was 97 degrees out...I'm no dummy).

Anyway, we all had a lot of fun waving and yelling to the people lining the streets, and ZB clapped and cheered because everyone else was and she loves it when people clap with her.  Sadly, we did not win Best Dressed Cart (there was actually a tie for first between the cart that recreated the Statue of Liberty on the back and the cart that transformed itself into a rocket, complete with smoke trails), but that is okay, because we actually did win both Best Dressed Kid and Best Dressed Pet!

Note the cuteness just oozing out
of her.

Here we have ZB sporting her lovely Hello Kitty Patriotic shirt, a custom-made white skirt with netting overlay and red, white and blue stars at the bottom.  She has accessorized this with her sparkly red shoes and red sparkle hair clip.  (Actually, Mom also made a hat for her to wear, but it was so hot that the poor kid's head was drenched in sweat every time we put it on her).  Now, I may be a little biased, but Internets, that kid stole the entire show.  She was so adorable and happy and excited about the whole thing that everyone who saw her loved her.  In fact, the local paper took her picture and put her on the front page!  Her cuteness is a force, people!  It is not to be denied!

And now I have a trophy that reads "Best Kid 2012" to prove it.

Speaking of cuteness, may I also present the winners of this year's Best Dressed Pet!  Mom and Dad's Yorkies, Brutus and Brandi, are each sporting doggie T-shirts, reading "Patriotic to the Bone" and "I love the USA", respectively.  Brandi is also wearing red, white and blue stars in her hair.  But I think the kicker was the little tiny sequined Uncle Sam hat that Brutus was modeling.

Because is there anything more adorable than a tiny dog in a tiny top hat?  I think not. 

After the parade ZB hightailed it over to the local fire department's truck where the firemen immediately made her their chief (complete with hat and everything!).  They also had an animatronic talking Fire Dog named Sparky that kinda freaked me out (no doubt due to repressed childhood nightmares about our Teddy Ruxpin trying to kill us) but had ZB totally mesmerized.  The other kids would come up and look at it for a while, maybe talk to it or touch it and then move on, but for ZB, the world outside Sparky the Fire Dog ceased to exist.  She'd probably still be there, rooted to the same spot, had the fire department not eventually packed Sparky up and headed out for his next engagement.  (Let's just hope she forgets about him before Christmas.  Something tells me that Sparkies may be hard to come by for the private consumer). 

Mommy, can we have a freaky robot dog with a grating mechanical voice and weird blinky eyes please please please please PLEASE?!?

Finally, after stuffing ourselves with hot dogs and hamburgers and (I kid you not) 38 different types of baked beans, pasta salads, potato salads, chips, corn on the cob, watermelon, and enough cookies, brownies and cupcakes to put a diabetic into a coma just by looking at it, we decided to hit the pool.  And it's a good thing that ZB has such fun grandparents because by this point I was ready for a nap in the sunshine, but ZB was still going strong.  She splashed, she played, she climbed everyone's swim suit like she was a spider monkey.   The entire day was like ZB's personal version of heaven.  (Think about it: A parade, a trophy, a hot dog, a cupcake, a creepy talking robot dog and a pool.  Nothing else could compare.  It is a one year old dream come true). 

So yeah, I suppose you could say that we had a pretty great day.  It was good to see such a nice turnout for the parade and picnic, and it was a great way to honor not only our active service men and women, but also our veterans that were in the crowd.  Not to mention make it into ZB's top 5 favorite days of her life EVER.

America, we love you and salute you.

6/11/12 Our Very Classy Pop-Up Picnic, or Alternatively, The Time We Were Almost Eaten By A Bear

So I trust that everyone had a good weekend, right?

We here in the House of Quirk actually did something other than our usual weekend routine, ie spend the evening watching tv in our pjs.  We actually got all dressed up and attended a pop-up picnic at World's Fair Park on Saturday night.  (I know! With other people and everything!  And some people that we didn't even know!  Which would technically make them strangers!  For several hours!  Over dinner!)

(It's like we were body-snatched by party-going extroverts!)

(Extroverts that use a lot of exclamation points!)

Anyway, the downtown YMCA was doing a fundraiser by hosting a "dinner in white" pop-up picnic. (What makes it a pop-up picnic instead of just a regular picnic is that no one knows the exact location of the event until about an hour before.  Then a mass text or email or whatever goes out and everyone converges on this secret location all at once. It makes it more spontaneous that way, hence the popping up part).  Like I said, ours was a dinner in white too, which means that in addition to eating dinner outdoors with people he did not know, Tony also had to wear a nice white button up shirt and khakis instead of his regular Saturday night pjs.  So yeah, happy camper there.  But he's a trooper, and more importantly he had no choice, so we all dressed up in our fancy white finery and packed up our picnic basket and headed out to the secret location.

(Ya'll, Tony grumbling about his shirt notwithstanding, we were so cute in our matching white outfits!  ZB wore her Easter dress, and Tony wore a short sleeved button up white summer shirt, and I wore a white gauzy dress that Mom and Dad picked up for me on their last trip to Mexico.  Pair that with our authentic picnic basket that someone bought us ages ago as a wedding present, and we looked like one of those families in the J Crew catalog.  Just add giant oak tree and tire swing.)

It turns out that the secret location was on a picturesque bridge in the 1982 World's Fair Park in downtown Knoxville.  And while there wasn't an oak tree or tire swing, there was a big fountain and a rocky stream and pretty lights everywhere, so it was quite lovely anyway.  And the tables!  The tables were all set up and decorated with pretty china and real silverware and candlesticks and flowers and whatnot, and I turned to Tony and was like, "We are in a J Crew catalog!  I always thought picnics that looked like that were just make-believe to make the rest of us feel like we weren't classy enough!"

The secret location for our picnic at dusk.

We had a good sized crowd there, and festivities kicked off just before sunset.  Each table had a different menu, and ours had ham and grilled chicken and broccoli rice casserole and bread and fancy cheese and cold peach soup (which in my opinion is more like a dessert than a soup because it is sooooo tasty).  I'd spent the previous 3 hours carving up a giant watermelon and making hundreds of melon balls and shapes with cookie cutters, but I think the effort was well worth it since it seemed to be a big hit with the guests.
ZB stuffed down some bread and cheese (she's partial to Gouda), but was really too excited to eat much.  (Bless her heart, she's a natural party person.  She spent most of her time running from table to table, greeting people and charming them with her bubbly cuteness.  I have no idea where that outgoing personality came from).  Add in the lights and the water and the fountain and the little boy that was roughly the same age and the party was a total hit in her book.

ZB and her Grandpa, goofing around at the picnic.

So we were very sophisticated and elegant with our picnic party...and it wasn't until we got back home later that night that we found out that a 300 lb black bear had been roughly a block away the whole time.  (Yes, you read that correctly.  Somehow a fully grown black bear wandered down from his mountain home and into downtown Knoxville where he sauntered around the UT campus A BLOCK AWAY FROM OUR PICNIC FULL OF EASILY ACCESSIBLE AND POORLY DEFENDED FOOD.  Who knows?  Maybe he was on his way to the picnic when animal control caught up with him.  It's like somehow we fell out of our J Crew catalog and into a Yogi Bear cartoon.

And I'm the idiot holding the picnic basket.

But!  The bear, despite being within sniffing distance of our culinary delights, did not crash our picnic, and we did have a lovely time, and we all looked very classy doing it, and the food was delicious, and we were able to raise money for a good cause.  I look forward to doing the whole thing again next year.

Just maybe without Yogi and/or Boo Boo this time.

5/28/12 Rollin' on the River

Well.

I trust everyone survived their Memorial Day weekend?  It was a balmy 95 degrees here all weekend, so Tony, ZB and I celebrated the sacrifices of our armed forces by spending as much time as possible submerged in water.  ZB and Tony did so in her baby pool on the back deck, and I did so in an inner tube while riding down a mountain river in the Smokies*.  

See, my friend Erin had her brother and sister-in-law in town to visit for the weekend, and Drew (the guy Erin is dating) had his family in to visit, so they were all, "What should we do to entertain all this family when it is blazing hot outside?".  And I, being the helpful friend that I am, was all, "I dunno...Charades?" and Erin (who is a much better event planner than I am, although possibly not as good at charades) was like, "Actually, I think we're all going to go up to the mountains and go tubing".  And I was like, "Sounds fun! Where should I meet you guys?"

Which is how I ended up inviting myself along on Erin and Drew's family (and me) outing.  

So on Saturday at the crack of noon, Erin, Drew, Erin's SIL Virginia, Drew's sister Anna and yours truly piled into Erin's car for a scenic jaunt to the mountains.  I say scenic because normally the drive from Knoxville to the Smokey Mountain National Park takes about an hour, but Erin thought she remembered a shortcut to avoid the always crowded Pigeon Forge area.  Alas, the fates were against us, because between the "shortcut" (which did take us right through Pigeon Forge after all), the police detour due to an accident, the mandatory Dunkin Doughnuts stop, a brief rest stop pause to look at a map and figure out where the heck we were, and my insistence that we not do more than 25mph on the curvy mountain roads (due to my tendency to get all green and barfy from motion sickness), we finally made it to the tub rental place about 3 hours after we set out.  

Still, the company was nice, I scored permanent dibs on shotgun (the one advantage to the above-mentioned green and barfy), and I brought road snacks, so the drive wasn't bad at all.  

Once you get to Townsend (the town about 2 miles outside the National Park Entrance), you can rent tubes for roughly $6 a day.  For another $2 the tube rental places will shuttle you and your inner tube up to the river and drop you off.  But we are locals, not some newbie tubing tourists, so we eschewed the shuttle bus and decided to drive ourselves up to a more fun, more energetic part of the river where we could partake of some white-water rapids.  So we tied our tubes down all over the car with what basically amounted to dental floss that we found in the trunk of Erin's car and took off for our river adventure.  

From Left to Right: Anna, Erin, Virginia, Drew and Me ready for some tubin'. 

If you head into the SMNP (that's Smokey Mountain National Park for ya'll who have trouble with acronyms) by way of the Townsend side, you'll come across the famous "Y" where the river splits into, you guessed it, a Y shape.  This is a popular destination spot for swimming, picnicking, and tubing (if you rode the shuttle bus).  And it is very nice.  But! If you go up the river another mile or so, you will hit a less crowded, much faster, much more fun section of river.  

And really, who wouldn't want that?

Ya'll, the river did not disappoint.  We were a little worried about having enough water volume when we first went up there, but the rains that we've had recently more than guaranteed lots of white-water rapids for us to bounce, slide and sometimes downright fly though.  

Pay no attention to my sexy sexy mesh water shoes.  What they lack in fashion, they make up for with traction on the slippery river rocks.  The hat I have no excuse for.

It was hard to for me to grasp that there's no "right" way to go down the river.  You have to be vigilant about submerged rocks and trees and such, but other than that, left of the rock, right of the rock...it doesn't matter.  If you get stuck, just paddle your tube back out into the current and do it again.  It wasn't designed by a team of engineers or theme park designers. It is nature at its finest, unstructured, untamed, and unapologetically beautiful.  That said, there was one memorable chute where nature got a little more up close and personal than I bargained for.  See, I was caught in a bit of an eddy while facing backwards.  I was wearing a very fetching nylon swim skirt (see the first picture if you need a visual refresher) and I was just maneuvering my tube away from the one current into another when something bumped up against my thigh.  

(Yes, there are fish in the river.  It's not something I like to think about a lot, and for the most part they stay away from the people, and the people never even know they're there.  Kinda of a nature don't ask don't tell policy.)  But this particular little fish decided that he was going down the same current that I just had, and was most surprised to find me still at the bottom of the chute.  Worse, the water ballooned my skirt out so that it was acting as a giant fishing net, and Mr. Fish flew right past the rocks and right up my skirt.  

(This is the part of the day where I re-enacted Jesus walking on water, because as soon as Mr. Fish's tail went fwap! fwap! fwap! against my thighs, I shot straight up out of the water and hovered six inches above it  while screaming and beating myself about hips and buttocks).  

(Of course, this delightful little moment was witnessed by our entire group, several random hikers and all the fish's buddies, who were no doubt laughing uproariously at my expense).  

I'd like to at least be able to say that the fish that assaulted me was huge- a 15 pounder or something like that, but the truth is that I never saw him.  He slipped away unnoticed while I was trying to explain to my group that no, those screams were not me being eaten by a bear...I just had a run-in with a cross-dressing fish who wanted to try on my skirt.  

But fish cooties aside, the outing was simply wonderful, and a lot of fun.  (Totally worth the carsickness to get up here and back).  We ran some sections of the river three or four times if we liked the rapids, and drifted through the calm parts, just enjoying the scenery and the sunshine.  I met some lovely people, had a lot of laughs, and got thoroughly and refreshingly soaked.  

And while our veterans and active duty soldiers might not have envisioned this exact scene (fish attack included) while they fought to keep our country free, I appreciate their sacrifice in order for me to do so anyway.  Happy Memorial Day, ya'll.

* Why didn't ZB and Tony come, you ask?  Because you have to be 2 years old to ride in the tubes, and ZB isn't there yet.  (And Tony is an anti-social hermit who hates group outings).  But next year!  Oh yes!  The fun will be had by all next year!

5/21/12 The Pipes, The Pipes Are Calling

The Scottish Highland games were in town this weekend, so Tony, ZB and I went to check it out.  (I happen to be able to claim some Scottish blood since my ancestors hail from Aberdeen, and I wanted to share the heritage with ZB since that blood runs through her also, but mostly I just enjoy watching big beefy guys in kilts throw heavy things in the air.)

(Although can I just say that not everyone is built to wear a kilt.  They're one of those items of clothing that look really really good if you have the legs to pull it off or really really bad if you don't.  And I don't care how far you can throw a rock- if you insist on wearing a kilt you should at least slap some self-tanner on those milky white chicken legs of yours.  Yikes, man.)

Anyway.  We had a lot of fun.  We watched the caber toss (that's the one where these big burly guys try to flip what basically amounts to a telephone pole end over end) and the hammer throw, and one competition whose name I don't recall where people use a pitchfork to flip a bean bag the size of a carry-on suitcase over a bar twenty feet in the air.

Suffice it to say there was a lot of grunting.

(And probably hernias, but I can't really say for sure as I personally only witnessed the grunting).

Tony and ZB by the cabers. Bigger and heavier than they look.

We also had a very un-authentic lunch of chicken tenders and french fries (because who wants haggis when it's 90 degrees out? well, who wants haggis period?), watched a sheep dog demonstration where I lost major points with Tony-the-zookeeper by mistaking the herd for goats when CLEARLY they were sheared sheep, and took in the pipe and drum band competition.

Looks like goats to me, but that just proves I'm not a sheep dog.

Not sheep or goats, but still running around on a field. 

Also, we saw a Scottish Rock Band called Albannach who were FANTASTIC.  I mean it. You've never heard pipes and drums quite like this before.  Zoe loved them.  She and I danced with the crowd in front of the stage, and she never took her eyes off the band.  Totally mesmerized...so much so that I'm afraid she may want to take up the drums and the bagpipes and oh boy won't that be fun!

So to recap: cabers, pipes, sheep dogs, drums, skinny white legs in kilts. No haggis. A good time had by all.

2/21/12 Phineas and Ferb, Part Deux

I know I just posted about us being addicted to Phineas and Ferb (the cartoon on Disney), but at the risk of sounding REALLY geeky, I'm going to post about it again. I promise I'm not as weird as this makes me sound.

See, shortly after the first Phineas and Ferb post, the official Disney Phineas and Ferb Live show came to the Knoxville Coliseum, and my work had some free tickets, so I said sure! That'll be fun! (Plus, you know, bonus points for being such an awesome Mom, right?) So on Saturday afternoon, Tony, ZB and I headed out to discover exactly how you turn an animated cartoon into a live show. (Answer: costumes. Which I suppose makes sense, but I was really disappointed that they didn't teach a real platypus to wear a fedora and do round-house fighting kicks).

I dunno. It was weird. This is the first time that I've ever been to a show specifically for kids, and it was slightly unnerving seeing them EVERYWHERE. I mean, they had the adults outnumbered probably 4 to 1. It was just rows and rows of keyed-up, sugar-fueled, running, screaming, jumping children...a riot mob all under three feet tall. AND there were cotton-candy hawkers every two feet, which is just tossing spun sugar fuel on the munchkin land fire. As soon as we walked in, Tony leaned over and whispered, "I don't know how wild these things get, but if the natives get out of control, head to that security guard over there. He's got a billy club at we can beat them back with while we make our escape".

The scary part was I don't think he was entirely joking.

But I gotta give Disney credit; they really know how to work the crowd to get the kids excited but not too excited. Cheering, yes. Widespread looting and tipping over cars, no. (Of course, they also made sure that each child walked through a maze of vendors before getting to their seats, so it's also possible that the kids were bought off by the various t-shirts, hats, pendents, stuffed plush dolls, light-up doodads and commemorative platypus cups. It's hard to riot when carrying all that overpriced loot).

The show itself was very cute. Lots of singing and dancing and acrobatics. Lots of flashing lights, t-shirt guns, confetti cannons, fog machines and elaborate set pieces. (In short, everything a 12 and under would love to spend an hour and a half looking at). Zb stood on Tony's knees and danced though all of it. She couldn't follow the plot, of course, but she really loved the singing and dancing.

It did take me a while to get used to the "live" characters though. For some reason, I am really uncomfortable with people in costumes with giant heads, (i.e. mascots, roaming Disney characters, and the Easter bunny-which I will still go out of my way to avoid whenever I'm at the mall, by the way) and some of the characters had really trippy eyes that will probably pop up again in my nightmares, but none of the kids seemed to mind, so maybe it's just me.

But all in all, lots of fun. ZB liked it, it was entertaining enough that it wasn't torture for parents to sit through, and I may or may not be the proud new owner of a Perry the Platypus t-shirt.

Plus I figure that knowing all the words to the theme show will allow me some leniency if the sugar high ever wears off and the munchkin mobs take over.

7/27/11 Surfing on Brain Waves in the Baby Pool

It's official! ZB has brain waves! This is the EEG cap that she wore today during a psych research experiment at the University of Tennessee's Neuroscience Lab. We were asked to be part of an experiment to study infant recognition, and I thought, Why not? It isn't every day you get to have your brain waves measured. (Well, we don't anyway...I can't really speak for what goes on at your crazy cocktail parties).

Anyway, they put the cap on ZB and showed her a video clip of a woman talking. Then they showed the same clip over and over and over. When she would get bored or distracted and look away, they'd cut to clips of Sesame street until she looked back at the screen, then go back to the clip of the woman. (I'm not sure what ZB's brain waves were doing during all of this, but after listening to the same 3 second clip of the woman for the 1000th time, my brain waves shut down completely). I was actually giddy with relief whenever ZB would turn her head and trigger a clip of Ernie singing "Rubber Ducky, you're the one".

Honestly, I think ZB was most interested in the tiny cape (think the ones that salons put on you for hair cuts) that they made her wear so that she wouldn't reach up and mess with the sensor wires. Woman on the screen? Pah. Dancing puppets? Eh. Momma bleeding from the ears after listening to the same clip over and over again? Nada. But a little black cape that covers her arms? Baby jackpot!

So that was our fun outing for the day. We made some grad students happy, and ZB got to play with a cape. And I got this hysterical picture:
More ammunition to mortify her with when she decides to start dating...

6/16/11 One Score and Eleven Years Ago...

Sooooo...it's my birthday today. Actually, mine and Tony's both. We're turning 31. He celebrated by going to work, and I am celebrating by pressure washing the siding on the house and then changing some poopie diapers. Later today we will meet up for a birthday celebration of signing the papers for refinancing the house.

Whoo-boy! Do we know how to party or what?

Remember when you looked forward to your birthday all year long? Remember when it meant cake and streamers and getting your name called out over the PA system at the skate center while they played the Happy Birthday song?

Or that pool party?

Or the giggling sleepover with pizza and sleeping bags in the living room floor?

What about the obligatory Chucky Cheese?

There's nothing quite like being a kid on your birthday. The siren call of too much sugar, a pile of presents, and 500 of your closest friends and classmates playing games and running amok. Birthdays were rivaled only by Christmas and the first day of summer as the best day of the entire year.

So why is it that adult birthdays are never as awesome as what they were when we were kids?

Actually, I can't really complain. While today might be a little humdrum, my extended family will get together this Sunday to celebrate Father's Day and all the June birthdays, including mine. We'll grill burgers and hot dogs, and buy funny birthday cards and pass them around so we can all laugh at the jokes. And I have it on good authority that my new favorite dessert, Chocolate Trifle, will be made. So as far as birthdays go, not bad.

I've heard that the tradition of birthday parties started in Europe because people thought that evil spirits were particularly active on the day of a person's birth. To combat this, friends and family would visit and bring small gifts and well wishes. Toss in some refined sugar and frosting, and viola! A birthday party!

I'm not sure if evil spirits are chased off by pressure washing and home refinancing, so maybe you should leave me birthday wishes, you know, just to be on the safe side. After all, you'd feel horrible if the evil spirits got me on my birthday, right?

Bonus points for singing the actual song.

6/3/11 Summertime, and the Living is Easy

Have you missed us? We've been out playing at the park!

The Little Miss and I try to take a walk in the neighborhood park a couple of times a week. (Well, I walk...she mostly naps in plush comfort with her sun shade and stroller fan. Such is the life of a baby).
Poor little dear. You see how she suffers.

Meanwhile, I have lots and lots of stuff to share with you and pictures to post, so I'll try to get started on that as soon as we get back from our little expedition. Ya'll stay tuned.

1/12/11 Alan! Alan! Alan! Alan!

You've probably already seen these since they've been floating around youtube for the last month or so, but every time I see it I have to laugh.

12/20/10 A Gun is the Only Way You'd Ever Get Tony To Do A Headstand...

My mom sent me this link about awkward pregnancy photos from Pregnant Chicken, and some of them will just make you laugh until you wet yourself. (Or shoot a beverage out of your nose, depending on what you happen to be doing at the time that you click the link, and what orifice out of which you prefer to have liquid rapidly and unintentionally leave your body).

Really. Click right now. It's the perfect thing for a Monday, and you'll never look at pregnant ladies and guns (or naked guys) the same way again.

http://pregnantchicken.squarespace.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2010/12/10/awkward-pregnancy-photos.html

12/19/10 Tony, the Blahs, and the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra

Oooooh ya'll, I had the best time yesterday. We went to the Christmas show that the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra puts on, and it was just beautiful and magical and lovely, and I just had the best time!

Of course, the day didn't start out like that. You ever just wake up in a cranky blah mood for no particular reason? Well, that was me. Color me blah. And the closest reason that I could come up with was that I needed some excitement. My previous week was blah, my errands were blah, and we had absolutely no Saturday plans, which was blah cherry on top of my blah cake.

I think you get the picture.

Now normally, Tony (being of the male persuasion and all), can be somewhat blind to my blahs. On any given Saturday, the list of items that gets Tony's attention is 1) the sporting event currently playing on TV, 2) what is available to eat in the kitchen, and 3) the upcoming sporting event that will come on after the current sporting event is concluded. Whether or not his wife is emitting deep theatrical sighs falls somewhere around 4,783 on the Tony attention-o-meter. (Unless I cry. Sudden bursting into tears gets me up into the top 5, but only for as long as it takes me to tell him what it wrong. Lack of a specific reason drops me back down to around 28...high enough to make him pat me awkwardly on the leg while I sniff uncontrollably, but not enough to actually remove his eyes from the Bears/New England game. Like I said, he's a man).

But Tony must have been on especially on his game yesterday (or else it was halftime), because he picked up on my blahs without even a sniffle to clue him. And then he did the best thing. He gave me a hug. A good long bear hug. And then the second best thing...he asked if I wanted to go to dinner and the symphony.

To which I replied, "Oh my word, you've got some kind of terminal disease you aren't telling me about, don't you?"

See, I love the symphony. Love it love it love it. But this is a small miracle in terms of how Tony is usually willing to spend his Saturday nights. And just so you understand the full and total scale of this miraculous miracle, you should know that also playing at the Civic auditorium, at the very same time, in the very same venue as a the symphony orchestra, was a hockey game. So not only was Tony willing to sit through the symphony, but he was doing it instead of watching a hockey game.

And nothing says I love you like Tony skipping the chance to see a hockey game in order to sit through Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies.

(In fact, I'm still not sure the terminal disease thing is entirely off the table).

But we went, and it was fabulous. I got all gussied up in my finest giant blob maternity going-to-the-symphony clothes, and we had a lovely dinner at the new hibachi Japanese place (my choice...I was jonesing for some stir fry zucchini), and then we went to the Christmas show, which not only had the orchestra, but also the Knoxville Choral Society and a ballet dance troupe.

(I know! The symphony AND ballet! Not only is he terminal, but he's probably lost the house in a poker game and isn't telling me).

But you know what? I think he liked it. Maybe not enough to get season tickets, but enough that he didn't fall asleep or sneak off to catch the hockey score during intermission. And I loved it. The music was fabulous, the singing was fabulous, the dancing actually made me cry at one point. (Happy crying though, not blah crying. Apparently pregnancy hormones REALLY enjoy the Waltz of the Flowers. Go figure.) In fact, the one and only thing I'd change was the guy with the 2 year old girl that sat next to us. Don't get me wrong. The 2 year old was perfect...she never made a peep. The man, however, sang along with the orchestra on some of the songs. I did not come to the symphony to listen to you warble along to Little Drummer Boy, sir. Especially since you do not know all of the correct words.

But other than that? Fabulous Saturday night date. My own personal Prince Charming rode in, battled the blah monster, whisked me away for a magical night of music and dance, and then returned me safely home (where he promptly checked the game highlights, because he SWEARS he isn't dying).

So I guess the moral of the story is that my hubby is the best hubby ever. (Sorry ladies. He's all mine). And also, it's impossible to have the blahs when listening to the KSO do their Christmas show. And if you get a chance, go see it, because it is awesome.

You don't even have to have to be on your death bed.

11/23/10 It's Crazy Cat Family Christmas Card Time!

Is it wrong that I'm ready for Christmas and it isn't even Thanksgiving yet? (Don't get me wrong...I'm more than ready for Thanksgiving also. Who wouldn't be ready for a holiday that makes it culturally acceptable to sit around stuffing yourself with delicious foods? Shoot, I've been ready for Thanksgiving since last Thanksgiving). But the Christmas-longing is something a bit more unusual. Usually it takes a while for me to get into my Christmas mood. (I blame the cold. Christmas I love, but it has the meteorological misfortune of always occurring when it's cold outside, and I just can't help but hold Christmas somewhat responsible for its poor choice of seasons. You've heard of that whole Christmas in July thing that car dealers try to pull out every now and then? I'm behind them 110%).

What was I talking about?

Oh right, getting in the mood for Christmas.

I suppose it doesn't hurt that I've been busy Christmas shopping. (My side is exchanging gifts at Thanksgiving this year so that we can all be together when we unwrap presents). Plus the satellite radio has started the "All Instrumental Christmas carols" channel, which I enjoy as background music. And all the TV commercials now feature people building snowmen or hanging lights or using their hemi-powered trucks to steal giant, already-decorated Christmas trees out of the ground from in front of some guy's trailer (yeah, not sure I get that one either). But you know what I'm really really excited about?

Christmas cards.

Ya'll know that we are all about the photo Christmas cards here in the House of Quirk. It started 7 years ago when Tony and I first got married, and I thought it would be just precious to have the two of us with the two cats. So we did. And even though we've changed states, and houses, and added three more cats since that first Christmas card, I've always thought that it was an awesome tradition. People love getting them from us, and we get more than a few photo cards from friends and family in return.

This year, of course, is going to be super awesome since it will be the first time most of our friends will be seeing the preggo belly. (Nothing says Merry Christmas like having a belly that resembles Santa Claus. Except my particular bowl full of jelly keeps punching me in the bladder). Anyway, in honor of the cuteness, I've spent the last several hours on the Shutterfly site, picking out my favorite Christmas card templates.

I think I've narrowed it down to these:

Pretty blue snowflakes

Blue Many Memories (or cats) Snowflake Card

Family Wall Blue Christmas Card

Pictures in Snow

Classic Scarlet

Sweet Cinnamon Collage

So these are my finalists. To see the winner, you'll just have to check your mail box.

Of course, Shutterfly has more than just the Christmas cards. They have invitations and wall calendars and photo ornaments too. And if you're a blogger (like yours truly) then you can get 50 free holiday cards just by blogging about them! (Which is a total holiday score!)

So get a Christmas-cardin'. With all this photo cheer available, I'm expecting an awesome card from you and yours this year.