Hello Internets,
It's been a few weeks, so I thought I'd pop on and tell you what I've been up to here at the House of Quirk.
And the answer to that is not very much.
I spent most of the last two weeks watching the Olympics and most of this week watching Shark Week on Discovery. (I hear you out there. You're like, "Whoa, three straight weeks of nothing but watching tv? Is that even possible?" And normally I would say no, not for your average person. But it just so happens that I am a TV watching gold medalist, so I can marathon tv watch with less strain and tearing than your average recreational watcher).
But even I am tired of myself watching TV, because basically I spent the Olympics saying things like, "Wow, he's fast!" and "Look how high he can jump!" and "I'm tired of watching stupid swimming all the time!" to Shark Week, where I say things like "Wow, he's fast!" and "Look how high he can jump!" and "I'm tired of watching stupid swimming all the time!" Same tune, different channel.
So in the spirit of non-tv related news, here's a meager offering of what else is going on in my life. And in list format no less! (Betcha didn't see that one coming!)
1. I have recently decided that ZB needs to interact more with kids of her own age. She is great with adults. The life of the party when it comes to adults, but she has no idea how to interact with other kids. It's like she considers herself a short adult, and what the heck is she supposed to say to this kid over here? They have nothing in common. So I'm looking into Mother's Day Out programs so that she can have some supervised interaction with her fellow short ones. And since this is our first attempt at a daycare-related institution, I'm not sure how it's going to go for either of us. Anybody have any advice for us on making the transition smoother?
2. Speaking of new things, I'm trying something new with the cats that may prove interesting. Long time readers will know that due to Tony's crazy cat-lady tendencies and my inability to say no to a homeless kitten, we are the keepers of five Siamese cats. (Yes, five. Don't judge me). Anyway, with five cats in the house, you can imagine that there are some battles over who gets to be reining alpha cat. And while normally I don't mind a racing, hissing, madcap dash about the house at 2am, I draw the line at territorial marking, which Magellan has recently gotten into his tiny evil cat brain to try. Now, we've tried those cat pheromone diffusers before with some success, but they are basically limited to one room, and trying to outfit an entire house with them runs roughly the same out-of-pocket expense as trying to purchase a black-market kidney. So instead, I'm trying something new. Pheromone cat collars. Same great kitty pheromones, but now mobile! And at a cost of $8 a month as opposed to $20 for the diffuser refill. While it's only been a week and I don't want to jinx it, they seem to be working for us. No one is spraying or having passive-aggressive "accidents" outside of the litter box, and the number of all night cat fits has been reduced by about 95%. So yeah. If you have a nervous, stressed out or free-peeing kitty cat, I recommend the pheromone collar. It makes a difference. (PS-They also have them for dogs, but I can't speak to their effectiveness for the canine persuasion.)
3. There isn't really a three. I mean, I was going to tell you about how I'm trying to get rid of a tree stump in the front yard by drilling holes in it and pouring powdery stuff called STUMP OUT! on it, but STUMP OUT! takes 4 to 6 weeks to work and it's only been on my stump for a week, so I feel like telling you about it now would be a little premature. Although I did get my big drill bit stuck in the stump while I was drilling, so that was kinda exciting, if by exciting you mean annoying. (I don't know how it happened. The bit went in, but then when I put it in reverse to pull it back out, nothing happened. The motor goes "GRRRRRRR!" and smoke starts coming out of the back of my drill, but the bit doesn't move. Stuck, stuck, stuck. So now I have a lovely powder-covered stump riddled with holes and holding my 5/8" drill bit hostage. I'm hoping it becomes the latest rage in abstract lawn decor.) I'm guessing that my drill bit will come out when the STUMP OUT! starts breaking down the wood fibers around it, but until then I'm just using it as a conversation piece with the neighbors. I call it EXCALIBIT!
Okay, on that really bad joke, I'm outta here. Sister-in-law Mary recorded a totally awesome video of ZB petting some goats at the petting zoo, so I'll try to get that up later this week because ZB is adorable and you deserve it after reading this far. I just hope that her excitement over the goats in the video doesn't persuade Tony to try to bring one home. I don't think they make goat pheromone collars.
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8/1/12
Sympathetic Couch Twitching for the Gold
What? Oh hey, Internets! Glad you found me. It's been radio silence over here lately because last week we took ZB on vacation for her first trip to the beach. We had a blast and I'll tell you all about it but first I have to edit some video. (Yes, it will be a multi-media presentation since ZB LOVES sand and she LOVES the water and she's just too darn cute to be limited to still photos).
(But first I have to cut out the random shots of my feet and the sky and then quickly back to my feet).
(And the two minutes that I thought the camera was off so you get a close up shot of my right nostril while you hear me say riveting things like, "This sand gets everywhere!" and "Hold on. I think there's some sun screen on the lens".)
(Obviously this is Emmy winning material).
But all that is coming later. Right now I'm completely glued to my tv set as I bob and weave my way though the uneven bars routines from the comfort of my couch. Ya'll, I am a total Olympics junkie. Biking, swimming, synchronised diving, fencing, judo, beach volleyball, men and women's gymnastics...I've watched them all. And I feel like I've competed in them all since apparently I cannot sit still while the US is competing. I duck my head, I wave my arms, I tuck my legs up in time with the athletes. Tony actually left the living room and went upstairs last night because he said that my "help" with Gabbie's dismount from the beam almost knocked him off the couch.
And in case you are also tucking and rolling with me, I'd like to recap some of my couch Olympics favorite and/or interesting moments:
1. I'm bawling like a baby over the girls gymnastics. And not just over the All-American Jordyn Weiber fiasco. Not about them winning gold anyway. Not even just for the Americans. Just in general. Something about these tiny girls trying so hard just gets me every time. They train and they train and they train and they are so small and strong and young and...I could just scoop up every one of them and give them a big hug. Not that NBC is helping any with their constant back stories about how they had to move across country without their families to train with coaches that could get them to the Olympics. Swimming? I'm fine. Synchronized diving? Not so much as a sniffle. But these 16 year old girls flying through the air doing flips and leaps? I'm sobbing like I'm the one who just won or lost the gold. I don't know why they get me like they do. I'm a blubbery mess.
2. Did you see where Great Britain's Bradley Wiggins won gold in the road cycling time trials? I was feeding ZB breakfast at the time he was racing so I didn't get to watch/couch cycle with him, but I listened to it as I cleaned mashed banana up off the floor. I'm glad he won. I always root for the host nation if the US isn't in medal contention. That goes double for Great Britain, since they always seem to come in 4th for everything. Plus I just like saying the name Bradley Wiggins. It sounds so English, doesn't it? Wiggins. Like he's Paddington Bear's best friend or something.
3. I read an article the other day that said that the organizers provide 100,000 condoms to the athletes in the Olympic village. (Up from 70,000 at the Sydney games when they had to order another 20,000 when they ran out). Apparently when you put 10,000 young, attractive, fantastically in shape and mostly unsupervised athletes under a lot of pressure together, they erm, find a way to get rid of that excess energy. I guess some of that's to be expected, but 100,000? That's a lot of excess energy.
4. So what the heck is going on between the sets for men's beach volleyball? All these couples in swimsuits are waltzing around on the sand. Like, literally waltzing. I'm assuming it's some kind of weird halftime show? Instead of cheerleaders or bands they have beach waltzing? That cracks me up. Those crazy Brits!
5. This doesn't have anything to do with this Olympics, but if you get a chance, read this article in the Atlantic about a gold medalist in the 1896 Olympics in Athens. It's crazy how things have changed between then and now.
6. Did you know that they used to have an Olympic swimming obstacle course race? I'm not sure how they did it, (buoys? nets? underwater mines?) but I wish they still had it, because I think that would be awesome to watch. I like to watch swimming, but sometimes it gets boring watching them just splash back and forth in their straight little lanes. Let's put a ring of fire at the end that they have to jump through. I'm thinking a cross between the 200 meter freestyle and that show Wipeout. Get on that Olympic committee.
7. Oh my goodness. Did you see the Chinese synchronized diving? Blew my mind. How many hours and hours of training do you think that takes to be able to not only do a complex dive, but to do it exactly like someone else? And the other teams get ready and go, "Okay on three. One, two, three!" The Chinese just stand on the end of the board and say one word, which I'm assuming is just "go". And then they go. Together. Perfectly. I kept jumping up and down and going, "Did you see that?!? They even have identical water ripples!" I tell you, these athletes blow my mind.
I realize it's weird to stop on the number seven, but I can't think of any other Olympic moments right now. If you have some, feel free to add them to the comments. I'm sure there are some great ones that I've left out, but after staying up half the night to watch the Latvian underwater basket weaving team weave their reverse double-loop way to gold, my Olympic reflexes are a little fuzzy.
(But first I have to cut out the random shots of my feet and the sky and then quickly back to my feet).
(And the two minutes that I thought the camera was off so you get a close up shot of my right nostril while you hear me say riveting things like, "This sand gets everywhere!" and "Hold on. I think there's some sun screen on the lens".)
(Obviously this is Emmy winning material).
But all that is coming later. Right now I'm completely glued to my tv set as I bob and weave my way though the uneven bars routines from the comfort of my couch. Ya'll, I am a total Olympics junkie. Biking, swimming, synchronised diving, fencing, judo, beach volleyball, men and women's gymnastics...I've watched them all. And I feel like I've competed in them all since apparently I cannot sit still while the US is competing. I duck my head, I wave my arms, I tuck my legs up in time with the athletes. Tony actually left the living room and went upstairs last night because he said that my "help" with Gabbie's dismount from the beam almost knocked him off the couch.
And in case you are also tucking and rolling with me, I'd like to recap some of my couch Olympics favorite and/or interesting moments:
1. I'm bawling like a baby over the girls gymnastics. And not just over the All-American Jordyn Weiber fiasco. Not about them winning gold anyway. Not even just for the Americans. Just in general. Something about these tiny girls trying so hard just gets me every time. They train and they train and they train and they are so small and strong and young and...I could just scoop up every one of them and give them a big hug. Not that NBC is helping any with their constant back stories about how they had to move across country without their families to train with coaches that could get them to the Olympics. Swimming? I'm fine. Synchronized diving? Not so much as a sniffle. But these 16 year old girls flying through the air doing flips and leaps? I'm sobbing like I'm the one who just won or lost the gold. I don't know why they get me like they do. I'm a blubbery mess.
2. Did you see where Great Britain's Bradley Wiggins won gold in the road cycling time trials? I was feeding ZB breakfast at the time he was racing so I didn't get to watch/couch cycle with him, but I listened to it as I cleaned mashed banana up off the floor. I'm glad he won. I always root for the host nation if the US isn't in medal contention. That goes double for Great Britain, since they always seem to come in 4th for everything. Plus I just like saying the name Bradley Wiggins. It sounds so English, doesn't it? Wiggins. Like he's Paddington Bear's best friend or something.
3. I read an article the other day that said that the organizers provide 100,000 condoms to the athletes in the Olympic village. (Up from 70,000 at the Sydney games when they had to order another 20,000 when they ran out). Apparently when you put 10,000 young, attractive, fantastically in shape and mostly unsupervised athletes under a lot of pressure together, they erm, find a way to get rid of that excess energy. I guess some of that's to be expected, but 100,000? That's a lot of excess energy.
4. So what the heck is going on between the sets for men's beach volleyball? All these couples in swimsuits are waltzing around on the sand. Like, literally waltzing. I'm assuming it's some kind of weird halftime show? Instead of cheerleaders or bands they have beach waltzing? That cracks me up. Those crazy Brits!
5. This doesn't have anything to do with this Olympics, but if you get a chance, read this article in the Atlantic about a gold medalist in the 1896 Olympics in Athens. It's crazy how things have changed between then and now.
6. Did you know that they used to have an Olympic swimming obstacle course race? I'm not sure how they did it, (buoys? nets? underwater mines?) but I wish they still had it, because I think that would be awesome to watch. I like to watch swimming, but sometimes it gets boring watching them just splash back and forth in their straight little lanes. Let's put a ring of fire at the end that they have to jump through. I'm thinking a cross between the 200 meter freestyle and that show Wipeout. Get on that Olympic committee.
7. Oh my goodness. Did you see the Chinese synchronized diving? Blew my mind. How many hours and hours of training do you think that takes to be able to not only do a complex dive, but to do it exactly like someone else? And the other teams get ready and go, "Okay on three. One, two, three!" The Chinese just stand on the end of the board and say one word, which I'm assuming is just "go". And then they go. Together. Perfectly. I kept jumping up and down and going, "Did you see that?!? They even have identical water ripples!" I tell you, these athletes blow my mind.
I realize it's weird to stop on the number seven, but I can't think of any other Olympic moments right now. If you have some, feel free to add them to the comments. I'm sure there are some great ones that I've left out, but after staying up half the night to watch the Latvian underwater basket weaving team weave their reverse double-loop way to gold, my Olympic reflexes are a little fuzzy.
7/19/12
Hair Today, Gone...Well, Today
When the weather gets tough, the tough...chop off all their hair. Well, maybe not the tough- they probably don't even sweat when it gets hot. But the quirky do, so this Quirk went straight to the salon and went, "It's 100 degrees outside! Get it off my neck! Get it off! Get it off!" and hoo boy did they ever!
Jared, the most awesomely awesome stylist ever (and available at StudioVisage in Market Square for my fellow Knoxvegas peeps) was all, "Ohmigod honey, with your cheekbones you are just going to loooooove this haircut!" (And before you think I'm stereotyping male hair stylists, know that that is exactly how Jared is and exactly what he said and I love him for it). And then he cut off all my hair. But in a good way.
It's the first time I've had bangs since I was six, and I have no idea what it will do if I let it air dry and go curly (although Jared assures me that it will look "just fahhhhhbulous" curly) but I like it. It's fun, it's kicky, and it's off my neck for the summer.
And now the big reveal:
(Oh but first, ignore the horrible photography. It was one of those hold-the-camera-up-at-arms-length-and-click self portraits. And I'm standing by the front door because that's where the natural light was and I have no makeup on and apparently I really need to get a better night's sleep because the dark under eye circles are like zombie apocalypse much? But you don't care about any of that because you're supposed to be admiring the hair anyway).
So yeah, the hair:
Jared, the most awesomely awesome stylist ever (and available at StudioVisage in Market Square for my fellow Knoxvegas peeps) was all, "Ohmigod honey, with your cheekbones you are just going to loooooove this haircut!" (And before you think I'm stereotyping male hair stylists, know that that is exactly how Jared is and exactly what he said and I love him for it). And then he cut off all my hair. But in a good way.
It's the first time I've had bangs since I was six, and I have no idea what it will do if I let it air dry and go curly (although Jared assures me that it will look "just fahhhhhbulous" curly) but I like it. It's fun, it's kicky, and it's off my neck for the summer.
And now the big reveal:
(Oh but first, ignore the horrible photography. It was one of those hold-the-camera-up-at-arms-length-and-click self portraits. And I'm standing by the front door because that's where the natural light was and I have no makeup on and apparently I really need to get a better night's sleep because the dark under eye circles are like zombie apocalypse much? But you don't care about any of that because you're supposed to be admiring the hair anyway).
So yeah, the hair:
 |
| The side view. |
 |
| The back view. Notice no hair on the neck. |
 |
| The front view. Remember that you're ignoring the no makeup and looking at the hair. |
So that's my hair (if anyone has made it this far because I know the topic of my hair is just RIVETING and all). But if you are interested in a new look and if you have cheekbones like mine (at least, according to Jared) then you might want to look him up and let him have a go with your locks. I promise you'll look faaahhhbulous!
(Just, you know, make sure you get a good night's sleep before you take the picture).
7/13/12
A Tasty Little Calorie-Free Pick Me Up
I know everyone and their brother has done a version of Call Me Maybe, but this is by far the best one I've seen. Ever. I've watched it about 20 times and I still can't stop laughing. So if you haven't already seen this (and even if you have), consider this your Friday pick-me-up.
It's almost as good as having an actual cookie.
It's almost as good as having an actual cookie.
7/11/12
Because All Science Should Be Taught in Cartoon Form
Listen, no doubt you heard the news back on July 4th about the scientists at CERN discovering evidence of the Higgs-Boson particle. (Or maybe you just saw the viral video clip of reporters asking people in Brooklyn what they thought Higgs-Boson was and them coming up with ridiculous answers like, "It sounds brown" or "That's a metal band, right?" or "A creepy European man who goes around flashing people?" Sigh). Of course, I'd like to claim that I know all about the Higgs-Boson because I am a brilliant genius who can discuss advanced theoretical physics around the dinner table, but the truth is I first heard about it on that show "The Big Bang Theory" (who says TV doesn't make you smart?). Then I happened to come across it again while reading Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything (if you haven't read it, you should. It's funny and well-written and makes science easy to understand. Or at least enough understanding to not look like a total idiot if some reporter asks you what you know about CERN's latest particle discovery).
Anyway, the physicists are all in a tizzy because they found something that may be the Higgs-Boson particle (which is really a tiny cosmic building block, also know as the "God particle" that indicates mass for everything else in the universe), and because I like to know what Sheldon and Leonard are talking about with their smarty-genius jokes, I was interested in just what all the hub-bub was about. And after reading a couple of articles and being forcefully reminded that I am not, and will probably never be, a physicist, I finally found a link that I think does a pretty good job of explaining just what it is. Or might be. And to make sure that it's totally lay-person accessible, the lovely scientists made it a cartoon.(Because no doubt after watching the guy explain that it sounded like magic, "and by magic, I mean drugs", I'm sure they thought we needed it).
So here it is, because I thought it was neat and that you, brilliant Internets, might like it also.
PS- Lest you think I'm trying to show off how very smart I am, please know that spell check has just informed me that I cannot even spell the word "physicist". Something tells me that the Nobel Peace Prize committee won't be contacting me any time soon for my amazing work in particle physics.
Anyway, the physicists are all in a tizzy because they found something that may be the Higgs-Boson particle (which is really a tiny cosmic building block, also know as the "God particle" that indicates mass for everything else in the universe), and because I like to know what Sheldon and Leonard are talking about with their smarty-genius jokes, I was interested in just what all the hub-bub was about. And after reading a couple of articles and being forcefully reminded that I am not, and will probably never be, a physicist, I finally found a link that I think does a pretty good job of explaining just what it is. Or might be. And to make sure that it's totally lay-person accessible, the lovely scientists made it a cartoon.(Because no doubt after watching the guy explain that it sounded like magic, "and by magic, I mean drugs", I'm sure they thought we needed it).
So here it is, because I thought it was neat and that you, brilliant Internets, might like it also.
PS- Lest you think I'm trying to show off how very smart I am, please know that spell check has just informed me that I cannot even spell the word "physicist". Something tells me that the Nobel Peace Prize committee won't be contacting me any time soon for my amazing work in particle physics.
7/9/12
No Baby Ducks Were Harmed in the Making of this Mattress
Well ladies and germs, I don't know how your weekend went, but ours rocked because Tony and I (and I guess the cats) are now FINALLY proud owners of a new mattress. And let me tell you, it is like sleeping on baby ducks walking on clouds with little cotton balls stuck on their heads.
(Which, in case you haven't done, is a good thing.)
(Well, I'm assuming it is. Truth be told, I haven't really tested the whole baby-duck-on-a-cloud thing either, but I'm pretty sure it would be soft, so just go with it).
Anyway.
The new mattress is wonderful, and long overdue. Our old mattress was a) 10 years old and b) not really suited to our sleeping styles and c) not the best quality in the first place since Tony only paid $200 for it. (Seriously. Tony bought it when he was just out of college and working in a tiny podunk town in the the middle of a bunch of corn fields. And they only had one furniture store, which wasn't even a regional one like Sears or JCPenny; it was something like "Bubba's Furniture and Mini-Mart" because that's how small this town was. And as you may expect, Bubba only carried something like 3 mattresses. So Tony got a $200 queen-sized "Comfi-Sleep" extra firm mattress set and we've been sleeping on it for the past 10 years. So trust me, it was time).
Actually, it was past time. We technically started looking for a mattress off and on last year. We'd flop down on a few, and I'd be like, "What do you think?" and he'd be like, "I can't tell a difference between any of these" and I'd be like, "Well this is a big purchase. We need to be sure" and then we'd get fed up and go home and sleep on our not-so-comfy Comfi-sleep, which by this point was mostly just lumpy parts interspersed with random springs. But a few months ago we both started waking up with our backs creaking and popping like the Tin Man sans oil can, so we stepped up the search a bit more:
Tony: Which one do you like?
Me: I dunno. The second one we tried in the 4th store seemed okay.
Tony: Was that the memory foam or the latex one?
Me: I don't know. I think it was the one with titanium dura-coils.
Tony: Was that the plush, ultra plush or Euro plush?
Me: Is Euro-plush plushier than Ultra Plush?
Tony: I have no idea.
And so it goes. One of us would lay on a mattress with a sales guy hovering uncomfortably next to us saying things like, "And there's 2 and a half inches of patented Super Plushie Dura Foam Gel Latex Cotton Padding in it!" while the other one would chase ZB around the store and keep her from destroying the place. Then we'd switch. When I was on the mattress I'd say things like, "Is it cooling? I'm not buying a mattress that traps heat!" (because apparently I am a menopausal woman trapped in a 32 year old body, so I get hot at night). Then Tony would get on the mattress and say, "Is it on sale? I'm not buying a mattress that isn't on sale!" (because apparently Scrooge McDuck is trapped inside his body). And meanwhile ZB just wanted to jump from bed to bed (because jumping beans are trapped inside of her body), so I'm sure all the sales people just loved us.
But finally! FINALLY! We found a mattress that promised to be 12 times cooler than a regular foam mattress, and it was on sale, and it was soft, and it was actually a brand we had heard of before (no disrespect to Bubba's "Comfi-Sleep" brand), so chances are it would last a little longer. (15 years longer according to the warranty! Although we had to buy a special waterproof mattress protector also since apparently cat barf voids mattress warranties. C'eat la vie). And joy of joy, they happened to have one all ready to go in the local warehouse, so we bought it on Thursday night and it was delivered to us on Saturday morning, and all the cats are scared of it because it smells different but that's okay because hey! more room for us on the new bed!
And now when we wake up we feel rested, and our joints don't creak like doors in a haunted house, and I can't feel a single spring jabbing me in the back. In fact, the only thing that takes some getting used to is that it's about 2 inches higher than our old mattress, so in the middle of the night when I get up to check on ZB, I fall an extra two inches to the floor, which scares my inner menopausal lady into thinking she might break a hip or something. But other than that? Pure, cotton-covered baby duck on a cloud bliss, baby!
(Trust me, that's good).
(Which, in case you haven't done, is a good thing.)
(Well, I'm assuming it is. Truth be told, I haven't really tested the whole baby-duck-on-a-cloud thing either, but I'm pretty sure it would be soft, so just go with it).
Anyway.
The new mattress is wonderful, and long overdue. Our old mattress was a) 10 years old and b) not really suited to our sleeping styles and c) not the best quality in the first place since Tony only paid $200 for it. (Seriously. Tony bought it when he was just out of college and working in a tiny podunk town in the the middle of a bunch of corn fields. And they only had one furniture store, which wasn't even a regional one like Sears or JCPenny; it was something like "Bubba's Furniture and Mini-Mart" because that's how small this town was. And as you may expect, Bubba only carried something like 3 mattresses. So Tony got a $200 queen-sized "Comfi-Sleep" extra firm mattress set and we've been sleeping on it for the past 10 years. So trust me, it was time).
Actually, it was past time. We technically started looking for a mattress off and on last year. We'd flop down on a few, and I'd be like, "What do you think?" and he'd be like, "I can't tell a difference between any of these" and I'd be like, "Well this is a big purchase. We need to be sure" and then we'd get fed up and go home and sleep on our not-so-comfy Comfi-sleep, which by this point was mostly just lumpy parts interspersed with random springs. But a few months ago we both started waking up with our backs creaking and popping like the Tin Man sans oil can, so we stepped up the search a bit more:
Tony: Which one do you like?
Me: I dunno. The second one we tried in the 4th store seemed okay.
Tony: Was that the memory foam or the latex one?
Me: I don't know. I think it was the one with titanium dura-coils.
Tony: Was that the plush, ultra plush or Euro plush?
Me: Is Euro-plush plushier than Ultra Plush?
Tony: I have no idea.
And so it goes. One of us would lay on a mattress with a sales guy hovering uncomfortably next to us saying things like, "And there's 2 and a half inches of patented Super Plushie Dura Foam Gel Latex Cotton Padding in it!" while the other one would chase ZB around the store and keep her from destroying the place. Then we'd switch. When I was on the mattress I'd say things like, "Is it cooling? I'm not buying a mattress that traps heat!" (because apparently I am a menopausal woman trapped in a 32 year old body, so I get hot at night). Then Tony would get on the mattress and say, "Is it on sale? I'm not buying a mattress that isn't on sale!" (because apparently Scrooge McDuck is trapped inside his body). And meanwhile ZB just wanted to jump from bed to bed (because jumping beans are trapped inside of her body), so I'm sure all the sales people just loved us.
But finally! FINALLY! We found a mattress that promised to be 12 times cooler than a regular foam mattress, and it was on sale, and it was soft, and it was actually a brand we had heard of before (no disrespect to Bubba's "Comfi-Sleep" brand), so chances are it would last a little longer. (15 years longer according to the warranty! Although we had to buy a special waterproof mattress protector also since apparently cat barf voids mattress warranties. C'eat la vie). And joy of joy, they happened to have one all ready to go in the local warehouse, so we bought it on Thursday night and it was delivered to us on Saturday morning, and all the cats are scared of it because it smells different but that's okay because hey! more room for us on the new bed!
And now when we wake up we feel rested, and our joints don't creak like doors in a haunted house, and I can't feel a single spring jabbing me in the back. In fact, the only thing that takes some getting used to is that it's about 2 inches higher than our old mattress, so in the middle of the night when I get up to check on ZB, I fall an extra two inches to the floor, which scares my inner menopausal lady into thinking she might break a hip or something. But other than that? Pure, cotton-covered baby duck on a cloud bliss, baby!
(Trust me, that's good).
7/5/12
More American than Apple Pie, Stars and Stripes, and Freaky Robot Fire Dogs
Well hey there Internets! I hope everyone had a wonderful July 4th yesterday! Personally, we had an absolute blast! Mom and Dad's neighborhood had a parade (and being on a golf course, everyone decorated their golf carts), and then a big cookout, band, demonstrations from the local fire and police K9 unit, and finally swimming in the neighborhood pool. ZB loved loved LOVED every single second of it. In fact, we only took her home after she was so exhausted that she fell asleep (although she managed to hold out for an hour and a half past her usual nap time) and when she woke up (three hours later) she was mad that she was at home instead of still at the party. She is a little party animal, that one!
Here we are in the parade. That's my Dad in the giant Uncle Sam hat, hanging off the back. He and Tony were originally supposed to walk behind the cart with the two dogs, but after the first big hill, the dogs rode on my lap, Dad spent most of the time hanging off the back, and Tony raced ahead to the cart in front of us who was handing out Popsicles to the people watching and snagged a couple for himself. Still, we are quite the patriotic sight, no?
Anyway, we all had a lot of fun waving and yelling to the people lining the streets, and ZB clapped and cheered because everyone else was and she loves it when people clap with her. Sadly, we did not win Best Dressed Cart (there was actually a tie for first between the cart that recreated the Statue of Liberty on the back and the cart that transformed itself into a rocket, complete with smoke trails), but that is okay, because we actually did win both Best Dressed Kid and Best Dressed Pet!
Here we have ZB sporting her lovely Hello Kitty Patriotic shirt, a custom-made white skirt with netting overlay and red, white and blue stars at the bottom. She has accessorized this with her sparkly red shoes and red sparkle hair clip. (Actually, Mom also made a hat for her to wear, but it was so hot that the poor kid's head was drenched in sweat every time we put it on her). Now, I may be a little biased, but Internets, that kid stole the entire show. She was so adorable and happy and excited about the whole thing that everyone who saw her loved her. In fact, the local paper took her picture and put her on the front page! Her cuteness is a force, people! It is not to be denied!
After the parade ZB hightailed it over to the local fire department's truck where the firemen immediately made her their chief (complete with hat and everything!). They also had an animatronic talking Fire Dog named Sparky that kinda freaked me out (no doubt due to repressed childhood nightmares about our Teddy Ruxpin trying to kill us) but had ZB totally mesmerized. The other kids would come up and look at it for a while, maybe talk to it or touch it and then move on, but for ZB, the world outside Sparky the Fire Dog ceased to exist. She'd probably still be there, rooted to the same spot, had the fire department not eventually packed Sparky up and headed out for his next engagement. (Let's just hope she forgets about him before Christmas. Something tells me that Sparkies may be hard to come by for the private consumer).
First, the parade. Mom stayed up until 3am the night before in order to decorate the golf cart. Ya'll, these people take this parade seriously. There were 26 golf carts in the "Best Decorated Golf Cart" Competition, and you've never seen so many flags, streamers and balloons in your life. Here's our cart:
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| And ours was one of the more subtle ones. |
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| On the cart: Mom, ZB, myself, two Yorkies, and one sweaty Uncle Sam who was just forced to run up a big steep hill behind us. |
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| Tony and Dad, post golf cart chasing but still looking patriotic. |
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| And me, having actually been smart enough to ride in the golf cart from the beginning. (Hey, it was 97 degrees out...I'm no dummy). |
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| Note the cuteness just oozing out of her. |
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| And now I have a trophy that reads "Best Kid 2012" to prove it. |
Speaking of cuteness, may I also present the winners of this year's Best Dressed Pet! Mom and Dad's Yorkies, Brutus and Brandi, are each sporting doggie T-shirts, reading "Patriotic to the Bone" and "I love the USA", respectively. Brandi is also wearing red, white and blue stars in her hair. But I think the kicker was the little tiny sequined Uncle Sam hat that Brutus was modeling.
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| Because is there anything more adorable than a tiny dog in a tiny top hat? I think not. |
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| Mommy, can we have a freaky robot dog with a grating mechanical voice and weird blinky eyes please please please please PLEASE?!? |
Finally, after stuffing ourselves with hot dogs and hamburgers and (I kid you not) 38 different types of baked beans, pasta salads, potato salads, chips, corn on the cob, watermelon, and enough cookies, brownies and cupcakes to put a diabetic into a coma just by looking at it, we decided to hit the pool. And it's a good thing that ZB has such fun grandparents because by this point I was ready for a nap in the sunshine, but ZB was still going strong. She splashed, she played, she climbed everyone's swim suit like she was a spider monkey. The entire day was like ZB's personal version of heaven. (Think about it: A parade, a trophy, a hot dog, a cupcake, a creepy talking robot dog and a pool. Nothing else could compare. It is a one year old dream come true).
So yeah, I suppose you could say that we had a pretty great day. It was good to see such a nice turnout for the parade and picnic, and it was a great way to honor not only our active service men and women, but also our veterans that were in the crowd. Not to mention make it into ZB's top 5 favorite days of her life EVER.
America, we love you and salute you.
6/17/12
Father's Day and the Week We Almost Didn't Survive
Oh Internets. Have I told you lately how awesomely awesome Tony is? And not just because it's Father's Day and he's a great Daddy, because it is and he is, but that isn't the reason. The reason is that he had an out of town work training seminar thing this week and ZB and I both have been battling summer colds and there's only so many days that you can be on 24 hour snot wiping patrol for someone who doesn't know how to blow her own nose and would rather DIE than let you anywhere near her with a tissue before you get all burned out and fed up and want to just throw in the snot-covered towel and be done with it.
You know the old adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder? Personally, I always thought that was a bit of a stretch, but man is it true. As he packed up his bag on Monday I was like, "No problemo. We manage to make it through the day while he's at work. How much harder can it be to do a few more hours until bedtime?"
How much harder indeed.
The thing is that Tony does a lot more than just work a full time job. Apparently he also gets up and feeds the cats breakfast sometime between 4am and 6am, and cleans out litter boxes and picks up hairballs and takes out the garbage. After work he comes home and plays in the floor with ZB while I steal a few precious minutes to myself, feeds her dinner and cleans up the kitchen after she tosses all of that dinner into the floor. He mows the lawn, takes the recycling out to the curb and makes sure that the house is all locked up and secure before going to bed. He does all this quietly and without making a big deal out of it, so I kinda figured it wasn't that hard.
Trust me. It is hard.
While Tony was gone, the cats did not get breakfast at 6am. They got breakfast at 9:15 when I finally realized that I had forgotten to feed them and that was why they were following me around like the Pied Piper of Purina. I was very proud of myself for cleaning out the litter boxes on time...right up until I realized that I had forgotten to get the ones in the basement that Bella likes to use. I almost coughed up my own hairball while trying to clean up the one they left me out on the porch. (Do you have any idea how gross that is?!? And how hard it is to pick something up while refusing to open your eyes? And how much I'm gagging even now just thinking about it?) I got the garbage can out to the curb in time for pickup, but not in time for me to empty the trash that was in the house into the outside can first. ZB spent the first few days standing at the front door, waiting for him to come home and play with her. I tried to wrestle in the floor with her like what he does, but after she accidentally poked me in the eye and boxed me in the ear within a three minute time frame, I called a halt to floor wrestling. After she tossed all of her dinner on the floor the first night, neither one of us was really interested in cooking, so we distracted ourselves by eating at various fast food places. (I know. I'm feeding my child a McDonalds cheeseburger just so I don't have to pick things up off the floor. There goes Mother of the Year). Speaking of the floor, I relied on the less sanitary but equally effective cat cleanup system. I didn't sweep, they ate all the food bits they wanted, and I figured it would tide them over for the next time I forgot to feed them. Win Win...sorta. The lawn I ignored completely. There is just no way to mow and watch ZB at the same time. And on the second night he was away, I locked up all the doors and windows and set the alarm before bed, only to realize the next morning that I had left my keys hanging in the front door knob all night. (Good thing we live in a safe neighborhood).
But beyond all the things that he does, we just missed him. I missed sharing my day with him and ZB missed being played with and talked to and kissed on the head. We missed hearing about his day. (Well, he called on the phone, but it wasn't the same). The cats REALLY missed him, because evidently I am an unreliable provider. And I'd even go as far as to bet that McDonald's missed him because of the mess we left on their floor (and they don't even have cleanup cats).
You know, when that many people miss you, you must be doing something right. Tony doesn't have a fancy job title or a big status symbol car or custom suits or a mansion to make him feel important. But he does have us. And we love him. And need him. Without him, we are just not complete.
So I'm going to make sure he knows that. Not because it's Father's Day and that's what the Hallmark card had written in it, but because it is true and he's important to us. Every day of the year.
And also that he's never allowed to go out of town without us again. Ever. Let's put that in a Hallmark card.
You know the old adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder? Personally, I always thought that was a bit of a stretch, but man is it true. As he packed up his bag on Monday I was like, "No problemo. We manage to make it through the day while he's at work. How much harder can it be to do a few more hours until bedtime?"
How much harder indeed.
The thing is that Tony does a lot more than just work a full time job. Apparently he also gets up and feeds the cats breakfast sometime between 4am and 6am, and cleans out litter boxes and picks up hairballs and takes out the garbage. After work he comes home and plays in the floor with ZB while I steal a few precious minutes to myself, feeds her dinner and cleans up the kitchen after she tosses all of that dinner into the floor. He mows the lawn, takes the recycling out to the curb and makes sure that the house is all locked up and secure before going to bed. He does all this quietly and without making a big deal out of it, so I kinda figured it wasn't that hard.
Trust me. It is hard.
While Tony was gone, the cats did not get breakfast at 6am. They got breakfast at 9:15 when I finally realized that I had forgotten to feed them and that was why they were following me around like the Pied Piper of Purina. I was very proud of myself for cleaning out the litter boxes on time...right up until I realized that I had forgotten to get the ones in the basement that Bella likes to use. I almost coughed up my own hairball while trying to clean up the one they left me out on the porch. (Do you have any idea how gross that is?!? And how hard it is to pick something up while refusing to open your eyes? And how much I'm gagging even now just thinking about it?) I got the garbage can out to the curb in time for pickup, but not in time for me to empty the trash that was in the house into the outside can first. ZB spent the first few days standing at the front door, waiting for him to come home and play with her. I tried to wrestle in the floor with her like what he does, but after she accidentally poked me in the eye and boxed me in the ear within a three minute time frame, I called a halt to floor wrestling. After she tossed all of her dinner on the floor the first night, neither one of us was really interested in cooking, so we distracted ourselves by eating at various fast food places. (I know. I'm feeding my child a McDonalds cheeseburger just so I don't have to pick things up off the floor. There goes Mother of the Year). Speaking of the floor, I relied on the less sanitary but equally effective cat cleanup system. I didn't sweep, they ate all the food bits they wanted, and I figured it would tide them over for the next time I forgot to feed them. Win Win...sorta. The lawn I ignored completely. There is just no way to mow and watch ZB at the same time. And on the second night he was away, I locked up all the doors and windows and set the alarm before bed, only to realize the next morning that I had left my keys hanging in the front door knob all night. (Good thing we live in a safe neighborhood).
But beyond all the things that he does, we just missed him. I missed sharing my day with him and ZB missed being played with and talked to and kissed on the head. We missed hearing about his day. (Well, he called on the phone, but it wasn't the same). The cats REALLY missed him, because evidently I am an unreliable provider. And I'd even go as far as to bet that McDonald's missed him because of the mess we left on their floor (and they don't even have cleanup cats).
You know, when that many people miss you, you must be doing something right. Tony doesn't have a fancy job title or a big status symbol car or custom suits or a mansion to make him feel important. But he does have us. And we love him. And need him. Without him, we are just not complete.
So I'm going to make sure he knows that. Not because it's Father's Day and that's what the Hallmark card had written in it, but because it is true and he's important to us. Every day of the year.
And also that he's never allowed to go out of town without us again. Ever. Let's put that in a Hallmark card.
6/11/12
Our Very Classy Pop-Up Picnic, or Alternatively, The Time We Were Almost Eaten By A Bear
So I trust that everyone had a good weekend, right?
We here in the House of Quirk actually did something other than our usual weekend routine, ie spend the evening watching tv in our pjs. We actually got all dressed up and attended a pop-up picnic at World's Fair Park on Saturday night. (I know! With other people and everything! And some people that we didn't even know! Which would technically make them strangers! For several hours! Over dinner!)
(It's like we were body-snatched by party-going extroverts!)
(Extroverts that use a lot of exclamation points!)
Anyway, the downtown YMCA was doing a fundraiser by hosting a "dinner in white" pop-up picnic. (What makes it a pop-up picnic instead of just a regular picnic is that no one knows the exact location of the event until about an hour before. Then a mass text or email or whatever goes out and everyone converges on this secret location all at once. It makes it more spontaneous that way, hence the popping up part). Like I said, ours was a dinner in white too, which means that in addition to eating dinner outdoors with people he did not know, Tony also had to wear a nice white button up shirt and khakis instead of his regular Saturday night pjs. So yeah, happy camper there. But he's a trooper, and more importantly he had no choice, so we all dressed up in our fancy white finery and packed up our picnic basket and headed out to the secret location.
(Ya'll, Tony grumbling about his shirt notwithstanding, we were so cute in our matching white outfits! ZB wore her Easter dress, and Tony wore a short sleeved button up white summer shirt, and I wore a white gauzy dress that Mom and Dad picked up for me on their last trip to Mexico. Pair that with our authentic picnic basket that someone bought us ages ago as a wedding present, and we looked like one of those families in the J Crew catalog. Just add giant oak tree and tire swing.)
It turns out that the secret location was on a picturesque bridge in the 1982 World's Fair Park in downtown Knoxville. And while there wasn't an oak tree or tire swing, there was a big fountain and a rocky stream and pretty lights everywhere, so it was quite lovely anyway. And the tables! The tables were all set up and decorated with pretty china and real silverware and candlesticks and flowers and whatnot, and I turned to Tony and was like, "We are in a J Crew catalog! I always thought picnics that looked like that were just make-believe to make the rest of us feel like we weren't classy enough!"
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| The secret location for our picnic at dusk. |
ZB stuffed down some bread and cheese (she's partial to Gouda), but was really too excited to eat much. (Bless her heart, she's a natural party person. She spent most of her time running from table to table, greeting people and charming them with her bubbly cuteness. I have no idea where that outgoing personality came from). Add in the lights and the water and the fountain and the little boy that was roughly the same age and the party was a total hit in her book.
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| ZB and her Grandpa, goofing around at the picnic. |
So we were very sophisticated and elegant with our picnic party...and it wasn't until we got back home later that night that we found out that a 300 lb black bear had been roughly a block away the whole time. (Yes, you read that correctly. Somehow a fully grown black bear wandered down from his mountain home and into downtown Knoxville where he sauntered around the UT campus A BLOCK AWAY FROM OUR PICNIC FULL OF EASILY ACCESSIBLE AND POORLY DEFENDED FOOD. Who knows? Maybe he was on his way to the picnic when animal control caught up with him. It's like somehow we fell out of our J Crew catalog and into a Yogi Bear cartoon.
And I'm the idiot holding the picnic basket.
But! The bear, despite being within sniffing distance of our culinary delights, did not crash our picnic, and we did have a lovely time, and we all looked very classy doing it, and the food was delicious, and we were able to raise money for a good cause. I look forward to doing the whole thing again next year.
Just maybe without Yogi and/or Boo Boo this time.
5/30/12
The Post About Me Shopping for Stuff
I bought a new summer purse today. ZB and I were in the Mart of Wals, looking for staple gun staples and a few other odds and ends, and they had this lovely little crocheted hobo purse on sale for $10. The link doesn't have the exact pattern mine does, (which is brightly colored stripes in a fun summer rainbow of colors) but you get the idea. And since it is bigger than the first purse I bought for summer (which is bright and fun but really too small for all the stuff I carry so I'm constantly having to mash everything together to get the zipper closed), I was all, "Well you just hop right on in the buggy here, pretty little purse".
(And they say you can't find high fashion at Walmart).
Now, if I hadn't bought the new purse, I wouldn't have been going through the old purse and found my super-secret (so secret I forgot they were even there) cache of Target gift cards.And as anyone who has ever found some unexpected gift cards can tell you, they will totally burn a hole in your pocket if you do not run out and spend them toot sweet. So off I went to Target.
I started out in the swimsuit section, because I need to revamp my swimwear selection. See, I seem to have hit a very tricky age when it comes to swimsuits. When I was younger and perkier, my swimsuit of choice was the bikini. Bikinis are the official swimwear of college students. Your thighs are firm, your metabolism is high, and you finally have enough curves to fill it out and not look like a boy. It is a good age to wear a teeny swimsuit and feel like you can take on the world. Good times, good times.
But then I had a child. And when that happens, certain areas of the anatomy (and by that I mean the boobular region) became more ample and you just come to a point where you need a little more support than what a couple of strings can provide. Besides, strings are also not the best thing for coverage when you have a one year old using your swimsuit for footholds while she scales you like Mt. Everest. So bye bye teeny bikini.
Normally, the next stage in the life cycle of the swimsuit would be the tankini. They offer more coverage, but they don't go so far as to be an actual one-piece suit. And there are some really cute ones out there. But I can't do them. See, I have a really long (freakishly long, really) torso. So they all hit me at a really weird place. Like around the 5th rib kind of weird. And whereas you can wear the tankini and look cute, I just look like I stole a shirt from a six year old. So my only hope is to go old school pre-tankini and see if I can find something like this:
Sadly, Target was fresh out of swimsuits from the '50s, and I was feeling really bummed that despite my best efforts, my gift cards would go unspent. However, just when things were at their darkest, a beacon of light signaled to me from the shoe department. And I did manage to come across these little beauties who needed a good home.
The bargain gods must have felt really bad about letting me down with the swimsuits, because after cooing over these adorable turquoise shoes for a while, I checked the price and they were on clearance for...are you ready for this? Eight dollars. Eight American dollars. Seems they only had a size 5.5, a 9, a 9.5 and a 10 left, and they were ready to move them along. And while I'm not normally a shoe fanatic, I could think of at least three outfits that I could wear these darlings with, and I just happen to be a size 9, so I really couldn't in good conscience not buy these shoes.
(By the way, I tried explaining this shopping logic to Tony when I got home, but he didn't get it AT ALL. Sigh. Boys. What can you do?)
Anyway, to sum up: Cute shoes, cute purse, unexpected Target gift cards. On the minus side, no swimsuit, no time machine to go back to get swimsuit, and the regrettable knowledge that my time in front of a three way mirror and fluorescent lights is not over yet.
So in the mean time, I'll be the one at the pool wearing a poncho. But I'll be doing it with some cute accessories, so hopefully you'll be so mesmerized by my summer shoe and purse awesomeness won't even notice the lack of swimsuit.
That's the plan, anyway.
(And they say you can't find high fashion at Walmart).
Now, if I hadn't bought the new purse, I wouldn't have been going through the old purse and found my super-secret (so secret I forgot they were even there) cache of Target gift cards.And as anyone who has ever found some unexpected gift cards can tell you, they will totally burn a hole in your pocket if you do not run out and spend them toot sweet. So off I went to Target.
I started out in the swimsuit section, because I need to revamp my swimwear selection. See, I seem to have hit a very tricky age when it comes to swimsuits. When I was younger and perkier, my swimsuit of choice was the bikini. Bikinis are the official swimwear of college students. Your thighs are firm, your metabolism is high, and you finally have enough curves to fill it out and not look like a boy. It is a good age to wear a teeny swimsuit and feel like you can take on the world. Good times, good times.
But then I had a child. And when that happens, certain areas of the anatomy (and by that I mean the boobular region) became more ample and you just come to a point where you need a little more support than what a couple of strings can provide. Besides, strings are also not the best thing for coverage when you have a one year old using your swimsuit for footholds while she scales you like Mt. Everest. So bye bye teeny bikini.
Normally, the next stage in the life cycle of the swimsuit would be the tankini. They offer more coverage, but they don't go so far as to be an actual one-piece suit. And there are some really cute ones out there. But I can't do them. See, I have a really long (freakishly long, really) torso. So they all hit me at a really weird place. Like around the 5th rib kind of weird. And whereas you can wear the tankini and look cute, I just look like I stole a shirt from a six year old. So my only hope is to go old school pre-tankini and see if I can find something like this:
| Note the underwire, generous bottom coverage and industrial strength shoulder straps. These are our friends. |
Sadly, Target was fresh out of swimsuits from the '50s, and I was feeling really bummed that despite my best efforts, my gift cards would go unspent. However, just when things were at their darkest, a beacon of light signaled to me from the shoe department. And I did manage to come across these little beauties who needed a good home.
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| These look electric blue in the picture, but they're a very nice turquoise color in real life. |
(By the way, I tried explaining this shopping logic to Tony when I got home, but he didn't get it AT ALL. Sigh. Boys. What can you do?)
Anyway, to sum up: Cute shoes, cute purse, unexpected Target gift cards. On the minus side, no swimsuit, no time machine to go back to get swimsuit, and the regrettable knowledge that my time in front of a three way mirror and fluorescent lights is not over yet.
So in the mean time, I'll be the one at the pool wearing a poncho. But I'll be doing it with some cute accessories, so hopefully you'll be so mesmerized by my summer shoe and purse awesomeness won't even notice the lack of swimsuit.
That's the plan, anyway.