12/30/10 10 weeks

I was looking at the calendar today, and it occurred to me that I probably only have about 10 weeks left of being pregnant. (I'm 27 and a half weeks now...they figure I won't get to the full 40 weeks, so 37 and a half weeks sounds pretty accurate at this point). But 10 weeks! Do you know how fast that goes?! 10 weeks is nothing! A blink of an eye! And then she'll be here and...and I'm just not sure I'm ready.

I mean, I just got used to the idea of being pregnant. I was doing okay with the doctor visits and playing set up the nursery, but I'm not sure I'm ready for this whole life-as-you-know-it-will-change-forever bit. It was a big enough adjustment just to get to this point, and this was the easy part!

I know that the whole point of all this incubating is so that she can eventually make her way out into the world, and I'd love to meet her, I really would...but at the same time, part of me wants her to stay right where she is now. I like her in here where she's all safe and easy to carry around. She takes care of all her needs automatically. I can't really screw it up. Now I have 10 weeks to figure out how to take care of a baby, and I'm not sure it's enough time. I've been so focused on the pregnancy part that it didn't really occur to me that I'd need to know stuff for when she actually gets here. And I'm not just talking about the feeding and the changing and the bathing stuff. I'm talking about the other stuff...the not as apparent stuff. The stuff I haven't even thought to ask about yet, but am still supposed to know. (I'm so in the dark that I don't even know what stuff I don't know). I'm afraid that we'll going to break her out of ignorance. I'm afraid the world will break her out of ignorance.

Plus, (and I know this is selfish of me) I kinda like having her all to myself. She's mine, and right now I don't have to share her with anyone else. All her rolls and kicks and hiccups? They're for me alone. I get her 24/7, and I never have to leave her. Like my shadow, or an invisible friend. Why should I have to share her? We already have each other.

I realize that this is exactly why no one gets a choice about when they are born. When it's time, it's time, no matter what my personal preferences are for her staying. And maybe in another couple of months I'll become big and miserable and be like those women who are all, "I CANNOT WAIT TO GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME ALREADY!", but right now?

10 weeks seems frighteningly short.