Tony doesn’t usually snore. Only every now and then, when he’s rolled into the exact position where his nose is in direct line with Jupiter’s second moon, or if he has a cold (which luckily is not that often). It’s one of those little blessings that God bestowed upon us when he put us together. “For it is written, Behold! There will be happiness and contentment in the house of Quirk, for this man will not make noises with his nose/throat while he sleeps, and this woman will not have to smother him with his own pillow”. Usually. Like I said, sometimes the planets align (does Jupiter have a second moon? I’m not sure now) and then Tony does a pretty good impression of a jet airplane taking off. I get to play the part of captive audience, because unlike Mr. Asleep-before-his-head-hit-the-pillow, it takes me about an hour or so to drift off each night. That gives me plenty of time to catalogue the snores. Lately though, I’ve noticed a change in the general snoring repertoire. Instead of jet airplane, Tony has recently switched to what I can only describe as “really excited elephant trumpeting noise”. You know that noise that elephants make? Yeah. Tony does a really good impression of that. Only, his trunk-trumpeting sounds really excited. And kinda breathless. Like, elephants having…relations. (Stay with me here. I’ve had a lot of time to lay here and think about this). If you were to turn on an episode of Wild Kingdom and then walk out of the room so that you could only hear the sound, then I would imagine that that thing that the elephants are busily doing right now sounds pretty close to what Tony’s new snore sounds like. Which really begs the question…just what exactly is going on in that boy’s sinus cavities? And how much would Wild Kingdom pay for permission to find out?