5/7/12 I Think That I Shall Never See, A Tree So Lovely Before KUB

I have a conundrum, oh beloved Internets, and I'd like your esteemed opinion.  See, I had a visit from the local utilities board (KUB) the other day regarding the two giant oak trees I have in my front yard.  It seems that the power lines that run along my street have filed a restraining order against my trees, and my trees are currently in violation of said order by not maintaining the required minimum 10' distance:

Exhibit A:  See the power lines at the top of the picture?  My trees are clearly not respecting the 10' safety zone as dictated by the power company.

Because of this, the power company spray-painted green dots on my trees and came to the door to let me know that some guys wielding chain saws in bucket trucks would be along to extract vengeance upon my topiary trespassers.  Now, I don't remember if I told you guys about this before, but I had almost this exact same conversation a few years ago when the utility guys came through to clear the lines, and back then they absolutely butchered my trees.  They cut this giant wedge out of half of the tree, and they looked stupid for...well, I guess until this year when they grew back out and retook the power line.  So apparently the trees are of the size now that this is going to be a reoccurring theme.  They invade the lines, they get cut back, they look stupid, they finally grow out again, they invade the lines, and the whole cycle repeats.  I said something to this effect to the utility guy, and he was like, "Well, you could opt to be in our tree replacement program". And I was like, "whaaa?" and he was like, "Yeah, we cut down your giant trees for free and replace them with two smaller ornamental trees of your choice.  We even come back out and plant them for you."  And I was like, "For freesies?"  And he was like, "Totally without charge to you". And I was like, "Hmmm".  

So here's my thing:  I can keep my giant trees with the understanding that they will spend pretty much the rest of eternity sporting a really bad hair cut compliments of Knoxville Utilities, or I can have them cut down and put something smaller like dogwoods or flowering crabapples or the like in their places.  Tony and I have been waffling back and forth about it for a week now.  He thinks that it would be a shame to kill some trees that have been here a lot longer than we or the house or even the power lines have been here.  I think they drop leaves and acorns all in my flower beds in the fall, make it impossible for grass to grow because everything is always in deep shade, and completely block the view of the house from the street.  

House?  What house?
(Hint- mine is the one with the white porch, not the one with the car).

Now, some of you are probably asking if they keep the house cool by shading it in the summer, and the answer to that is no.  The way the sun comes up means that they might shade the house for a second at dawn, but that's it, so energy savings are negligible and therefore not a consideration.  And before you even recommend getting rid of one and keeping the other, remember that any big trees that remain will have the "Skrillex 'do", which may work for electronic dance musicians, but not so much for oak trees.  

See? It sounds like I have talked myself into replacing them, doesn't it?  A pretty dogwood perhaps?  Flowers in the spring, doesn't drop acorns in my pond, doesn't cause the yard to look like the 100 acre woods where Christopher Robin played?  But then I look out my window and I see this, and it's so tall and majestic that I'm like, "I can't cut something like that down! It's probably as old as I am!"  And then I'm right back to where I started.  

So what to do, Internets, what to do?  The deadline for the tree replacement program is Thursday.  Cut them down and replace them with pretty little trees, or keep them in their majestic yet soon-to-be funky shaped and acorn dropping splendor? What would you do if you were me?