A Letter to L’Oréal

Dear people at L’Oréal,

For some time now, I have been using your compressed powder foundation in buff beige, and I really like it. (Well, mostly I like that it sticks around for several hours. Maybe not the 13 hours that you claim, but still, longer than your competitors' powders, so kudos on that. People with make-up eating faces like mine thank you). However, I must tell you that recently, upon running out of the powder, I went to the store and accidentally picked up the buff beige in the cream foundation as opposed to the powder foundation and even though you have deemed to call them both buff beige, THEY ARE TOTALLY NOT THE SAME COLOR.

Speaking of color, perhaps you could think of another name for the color in question other than buff beige? While I admit to striving towards a certain degree of muscle tone in my regular gym workouts, buff tends to lend itself more to a masculine persona. Women are not buff, my dear L’Oréal, they are toned. I would suggest calling it toned beige instead. Thank you.

Actually, while we're on the subject of the name, I must admit that "beige" isn't really doing it for me either. While you may consider me beige-colored on your official epidermal color wheel, I would think that a marketing department as smart as yours would know better than to call it that. No one wants to be beige! It's boring! Do like what you did with porcelain. People like porcelain. "What color is your face? Rose porcelain? How lovely!" See? That's good marketing. You don't call them pasty white albino chicks, so why label beige people boring old beige? (Color names are everything! Have you learned nothing from the nail polish people?) Now personally, I would go with something like golden sun-kissed goddess, but that's just me.

Not only is the cream foundation much much darker, but you have to be super extra careful about blending it, otherwise it leaves dark patches. I glanced in the mirror the other day and one side of my jaw looked like I had a 5:00 shadow. Buff or not, this is not a look I want to continue. And to call them both buff bronze when they are two radically different colors? For shame, L’Oréal, for shame.

The problem, as I mentioned above, is that you put the cream foundation in a package that looks annoyingly similar to the powder foundation. The words powder and cream are minuscule and very easy to miss. You can really only tell them apart by direct side by side comparison, and I don't have to tell you how impossible that is when your husband is standing over your shoulder going, "C'mon c'mon, just pick one already!"

You know how men are. If they don't have to bother with it themselves, they just can't see the importance. My husband has actually gone as far as to insinuate that all makeup is essentially the same, if you can believe it. He totally doesn't understand the difference between anti-aging and anti-shine and blendable coverage and light-reflecting hydroxy technology. He thinks I could just pick anything and be fine! And with my combination skin too! I know! And he's normally such an intelligent guy. It baffles the mind, I tell you.

And another thing. It is bad enough that you have tricked me into shelling out $13 for a foundation that I do not want, but to do it in this weather? Who wants to wear heavy cream foundation when it is this hot? It's like a winter coat for your face. I'm surprised you even sell it now. Makeup this heavy should be seasonal at the very least. Imagine trying not sweat this stuff off with it being 80 degrees outside. My pores are clogging just thinking about it.

Although to be fair, have you ever seen weather like this? We went from 30 degrees to 80 in one weekend. What happened to spring? That's Tennessee weather, you know. Like they say, if you don't like it, just wait 15 minutes and it'll change. Of course, I think we're safely into the warm season now. You should see my cats. Cat hair everywhere! I brush and I brush and I brush, but I don't think they'll ever be finished with their winter coats. And if the cats were surprised by the sudden temperature change, then I suspect that you could be also. But now you know, so I expect that you'll be pulling the cream stuff off the shelves as we speak, yes?

So to sum up. Tricky, identical packaging for two very different foundations? Bad. Calling what is obviously two radically different colors by the same name? Bad. Heavy cream foundation once the thermometer had surpassed 80 degrees? Bad. These are amateur mistakes, L’Oréal. You should really know better than this. I am a very loyal customer, but I expect reparation as atonement for your marketing sins.

I'm thinking a lifetime supply of my new signature color, Golden Toned Sun-kissed Goddess in the 13 hour extended stay compressed powder should do the trick.

Beige-ly yours,
A loyal customer