Baby Update!

Well, we're officially 20 weeks, or 5 months, or exactly halfway though this little thing called pregnancy, so I thought I might give you an update on what's been going on lately.

And in list form, no less.

1. Before you even ask, I'm not really showing. I mean, I am if you knew what I looked like before and compared it to me now, but as for strangers on the street? No one can tell. (Which is a bummer because half the fun of pregnancy is for strangers to coo over you and lavish you with gestational attention, right?) Instead, I just look like I'm a little pudgy around the middle. Like I had a cheeseburger binge over the weekend. Completely average. Most of the time I tell myself I'm lucky. Few stretch marks. Easy to get my shape back afterwords. Less difficulty moving around. But sometimes, I'll admit, it'd be nice to be...rounder. Case in point: On Sunday night before church, I was waiting in line for the bathroom (where else? My bladder is her playground) with some man when a woman came up behind us. And she's obviously pregnant. And she sees the line for the bathroom and goes, "Oh, there's a line. I'll go to the other bathroom", and she walks away. And the guy turns to me and goes, "We should have let her go before us. She's pregnant. No wonder she has to go". And I was like, "Well I'm pregnant too!" And he just stares at me with this look like I've very suddenly claimed to be the Queen of Sheeba. And I go, "Yep! 5 months!" And he just stares. And I, feeling very desperate now because he obviously doesn't believe me but doesn't want to say anything in case I'm one of those crazy unstable people, keep rambling on and on about how I may not look it, but I am! I really am! Really! And luckily at that point the person in the bathroom came out and he went in, because I'm pretty sure in the next few seconds I would have pulled my shirt up in the middle of church to better show him my slightly bulgy stomach. (And you know that would've convinced him I was sane). So yeah. Not showing. Just call me Stealth Pregnancy.

2. Despite the definitive lack of monster belly, I have discovered that loose-fitting clothing is the most comfortable way to go. And what better way to do that than to use Tony's hockey jerseys as maternity wear? They're long, they're huge, and he's got roughly a billion of them. Plus, they're crazy comfortable. If you count them, they double my available maternity shirts, even if they don't look the slightest bit motherly. (Hey, you think that woman over there could be pregnant? Nah, she's just the Right Winger for the San Jose Sharks.) If nothing else, maybe the kid will pop out a ready-made hockey fan. That would thrill her Daddy.

3. If I do convince someone I'm pregnant, the question I get most is, What are you craving? And my answer, flat out, without a moment of hesitation, is garlic. I LOVE garlic. I cannot get enough. I'm putting garlic on EVERYTHING! I make garlic bread, garlic pasta, garlic pizza, even extra garlic on my chex mix. I put garlic in my potatoes and on chips and hamburgers. I eat garlic cheese dip. The stuff has to be oozing through my pores at this point, but I don't care. One thing is for sure...there will be no vampire babies in this house.

4. I can't really complain though. I'm feeling really good. The symptoms of the first trimester (the nausea, the cramping, the nausea, the super sniffer, the nausea) have subsided, and I'm feeling pretty much like my old, pre-incubating self. I do have a bit of a stuffy nose, but apparently that's to be expected. (So expected, in fact, that it has an official name: rhinitis of pregnancy, and about 20 to 30% of pregnant women get it). Seems weird to me that pregnancy would stuff up your nose like this, but apparently there's a ton of seemingly unrelated stuff that they've linked to being body-snatched by a tiny life-form. (Honestly, I think they just tell you it's all linked to pregnancy so you can't complain about it as much. Bleeding gums? Ewwww. Pregnancy gums? Awwww. Constipation? Yuck. Pregnancy constipation? Anything for the baby. Methinks my pregnancy nose smells a scam). But like I said, I'm good. No pregnancy gums, or pregnancy bowels, or pregnancy whatever. Just a bit of a stuffy nose, and compared to my spring allergies? It's a walk in the park. Anything for the baby.

5. Speaking of, said baby just hauled off and walloped me a good one from the inside. I first felt her moving around sporadically in week 16, but it seems like the past 3 days or so, she's been crazy active. She's a night owl (like her mama), because I usually feel her most between the hours of 10pm and midnight, when she likes to practice her can-can dancing while I'm reading in bed. Before I was pregnant, I used to think the idea of feeling something move from the inside was creepy, but now I must admit that whenever I feel it, it just makes me happy. She's there. She's active. She's going to be a Rockette. (Of course, I have the right to reverse this opinion when she gets a little bigger and using all my organs as a trampoline, but for now, I find it reassuring to know that even though I can't see her, she's alive and literally kicking.)

So that's my pregnancy update. I'm okay, she's okay, we're okay so, I think I'm gonna buy my own radio show. (Sorry, an old joke with my sister). We head to the doctor on Thursday for our official 20 week ultrasounds, which is important because that's when they do the anatomy scan to make sure all her parts are present and accounted for (like both kidneys, perhaps?). If I get any good pictures, I'll post them, and then we can all coo over them together.

And maybe perhaps then you'll let me cut in line in front of you for the bathroom.