12/19/07 Good Thing They Weren't Doing Random Office Drug Testing Today

We had a little team Christmas party here at work, and my boss brought in a really good dip. We stood around the table for the majority of the day, eating chips and dip and remarking about just how delicious this dip was and trying to guess what was in it that made it so addictive that we just couldn't walk away.

Later, someone asked the boss how to make the dip.

"It's easy", he replied, "It's got sour cream, mayonnaise, 2 teaspoons of dill, some Tabasco sauce, Worcestershire sauce, parsley...and a bit of hash".

"What? Hash? Did you say hash?"

"Yes. A bit of hash. Then you just mix it all together and-"

"Hash? The dip that was so addictive that we couldn't stop eating it has a "bit of hash" in it?"

"What? No, not a bit of hash! I said, Mrs. DASH! It has two teaspoons of MRS. DASH! The spices?"

Oh. Well. That explains why we all had the munchies.

In case the addictive dip sounds like something you're interested in, I've put the real recipe below. Notice no hash.

2/3 mayo
2/3 sour cream
2 tbsp pars. flakes
2 tbsp dill
2 tbsp minced onion
2 tsp Mrs. Dash
2 drops Tabasco
2 tsp Worsc. sauce

12/18/07 Wanted: Dead or Alive

Last night I discovered that apparently, I am a fugitive of the law (or as Boss Hog would say, "A fug-it-tave of tha laaaaaawh"). I know this is a shock for everyone, being that I always came across as a law abiding citizen with a healthy respect for the rules. (Trust me, it was a shock for me too).

Last night, I received a letter in the mail from the Knoxville Traffic Police, who have accused me of running a red light on one December 3rd at precisely 4:07pm.

WHAT?!? I'm Innocent, I tell ya. Innocent!

Of course, I immediately questioned the validity of such a ridiculous accusation, but the police (perhaps expecting this kind of response) also thoughtfully included damning evidence of my apparent lawlessness in the form of three pictures of the crime in progress.

The first photo is my car before approaching the red light; the second is my car passing under the red light, and the third is a close-up photo of my license plate as I blatantly drove away.

Uh. Well...hmmm. That complicates my defense somewhat.

I SWEAR I have no recollection of this red light. I remember the area...I was coming back to work from a trip to the dentist, which is the only time I ever pass through this part of town. But I don't remember the red light. Or the red light cameras, for that matter. My only defense is that according to the citation, the light changed 0.49 seconds before I passed it. HALF a second! I couldn't have stopped in time if I tried. I was already all the way through the intersection by the time the light had been red for one second. Give me a break here!

Tony LOVES that this happened. Most husbands would be angry. Not Tony. He's just giddy that I got caught running a red light. Now he can taunt me with it. This totally made his day. "Bad Goose!", he admonishes sternly. "Don't make me take away your car keys!" (Like he could). It only makes it worse that he has a perfect driving record (another thing he likes to remind me of frequently). He can't even stop laughing long enough to lecture me.

Yeah, laugh it up, big boy. The fates will avenge me for all your snickering. It's only a matter of time before you're arrested for running over a Grandma in a parking lot or something.

For all you people out in Internet land who are now convinced that I'm a horrible driver and should be locked up for being a danger to society, let me just say that I NEVER (until now) run red lights. I applauded the city for installing those red light cameras and making the streets safer. And despite my new $50 forced donation to the Red Light Photo Enforcement Program, I still feel that way.

And I'll gladly pay another $50 if someone can arrange a picture of Tony running a red light too.

12/17/07 Christmas Tour of Homes

It’s BooMama’s Bloggy Christmas Tour of Homes Day! This is my first Tour of Homes, so I’m excited. I just hope everyone else isn’t all Martha Stewart Living with their decorations, because some of mine are more in line with A Charlie Brown Christmas. But where are my manners? Please come in!

Welcome to my humble home! This is the front porch, which I have lovingly plastered with red bows and garland. Normally, I have blue icicle lights all along the front of the house, but this year’s weather hasn’t really cooperated with the whole scooting-along-the-roof-on-my-belly-while-dragging-a-strand-of-lights thing, so they aren’t up this year. Instead, we have the garland with white lights along the railing, and in the corner (you can’t see it in the picture) is a small lighted Christmas tree. (What’s with the white cardboard taped to my house, you ask? Well, home tour or not, I didn’t think it would be prudent to show my address numbers, since internet stalkers are getting crazy smart these days. Only I couldn’t figure out how to blur the numbers out with photoshop, and even if I could, those same crazy smart internet stalkers might just be able to un-photoshop it, so I went the ghetto route with the cardboard and the tape. Ha! Outsmarted you again, internet stalkers!)


For you non-internet stalkers, please feel free to come on inside. Wipe your feet!


Here’s our Christmas tree! It’s a tradition for us to go pick out a live tree each year. We always get the Douglas fir, because it’s Tony’s favorite (and I love the smell). Our ornaments are a hodge-podge collection from our lives, from my Baby’s First Christmas and the teddy bear shapes that used to hang on my crib mobile, to the ornaments we picked out each year as kids, to the University of Tennessee balls, to our first Christmas together. It’s a sentimental journey to hang each one on the tree, and it will be fun to continue to add to them each upcoming year.


Here’s our stocking all hung on the chimney with care! I actually have mine and Tony’s turned around backwards because they have our real names on it, but I left Mason and Dixon’s facing the right way so that you could see the marvelous job I did with the glitter pen.



Here’s a full shot of the entertainment center so that you can see the nativity scene up on top. Not many people know this, but the alternate Hebrew translation for Bethlehem comes out to "above the DVD player". (Plus, it keeps them out of reach of inquiring kitty paws. Mason would think nothing of swiping the baby Jesus if he knew he was up there). My mother-in-law gave us this nativity scene the first year Tony and I were married, and I really like it.



Here’s another collection I like. It’s my little Christmas village! The tree doesn’t really go with the village…but it was my great-grandmother’s, so I thought it would be the perfect centerpiece. I only have a few pieces now, but I hope to get more when they’re all 90% off in the after Christmas sale.


What? You’ve never heard of Christmas fish before? I’m shocked. Fish looooove Christmas. I had some of those snowflake window decals, so I stuck them on the fish tank so that they could be festive too. And of course, they have their own stocking!


Merry Christmas from the fish!

BooMama wanted us to post recipes as refreshments for our Tour of Homes guests, but we don’t really cook all that much here. We do have a tradition of getting one of those Christmas popcorn tins with the three types of popcorn, so you’re welcome to share that (you have to fight Tony for it though).

So there you go. Our decorations, all up and ready for Christmas. We certainly enjoyed you visiting. Ya'll come on back anytime, ya hear?

12/16/07 A Bloggy Christmas Tour

BooMama is hosting a Bloggy Christmas Tour of Homes tomorrow! (See? I’ve got the little clicky button linkie thing right there on the right!) The idea is that you take pictures of your home all gussied up for Christmas, and post them on your blog. Then you link over to BooMama’s blog, where she has a list of everybody else that is participating, and you can see how people all over decorated for Christmas/Hanukkah/Festivus/whatever. She hosts these little things every now and then, like Bloggy Carnivals and whatnot, and I usually only find out about them two weeks after they’ve happened, BUT THIS TIME I actually paid attention to the buttons on her sidebar, so I’m all in the know. (It didn’t hurt that she’s had the button posted since October 25th either). Anyway, I spent most of today taking pictures of my little decorations, to be all ready for the Christmas Tour of Homes tomorrow. Feel free to jump on board and participate, and come back tomorrow to see the decorations!

12/13/07 Sunsphere

We had the zoo Christmas party last night. (Yes I know, we do not technically work at the zoo. We went as guests). It was actually pretty cool. They had it in the Sunsphere, which looks AWESOME since its remodel. If they'd let me live up there, I'd be hauling furniture up in a heartbeat. You have a 360 degree view of downtown, and across the river, and UT, and the old city. All the lights of the city were twinkling, and the rooftop trees were lit up, and the whole city just looked magical. If you get a chance, see the Sunsphere. After years of neglect, it has made a comeback. I still can't get over the view.

Oh, and the party was nice too. Zoo people are crazy, so you never know what's going to happen, but I think a good time was had by all.

12/11/07 Angels

Every year, my team at work buys for a few angels off of the angel tree. We started off just doing one each year, but we kept buying so much that we increased it to two angels, and then three angels. This year, we have three siblings who need a little help for Christmas. We have a 4 year old girl who likes Bratz things and coloring books, an 8 year old boy who likes sports and to draw, and a 14 year old boy who only requested art supplies. They also all need coats and clothes and stuff. It was the art supplies and coloring books that really got to me though, since that's the kind of stuff that I liked as a kid.

I don't know the first thing about kids. (As a matter of fact, I had to ask the cashier at the store if 4 year olds could read before deciding on whether or not to get the Giant Activity Book for the little girl). I generally don't like shopping. But I DO like shopping for little kids. Don't ask me why. I guess because I remember all the joy I got out of opening my art supplies on Christmas morning. So I went shopping last night. For the little girl, I bought markers, crayons, colored pencils, sparkle stickers, a fairy coloring book, and (my coup de grace) a Bratz coloring book all about a "shopping adventure". (Call me an old fuddy-duddy, but these Bratz girls seem to be horribly shallow and fatally materialistic. Not to mention the poster children for lip injections gone horribly awry. But if the little girl likes them, then who am I to argue?) For the younger boy, I also bought colored pencils and markers, felt color-your-own stickers, Pirates of the Caribbean school pencils, and a canister of foam sea creature stickers (I don't know if he's too old for stickers, but I thought they were cool). I had to watch my budget on the little kids...it would be too easy to buy up the entire store for them. But the oldest boy posed the biggest temptation. I figured that he was old enough for serious art supplies, so he got real artist colored pencils for shading, a case of oil pastels, graphite and charcoal pencils, a gum eraser and pencil sharpener, and a sketch pad. I wanted to do a watercolor kit and a learn-to-draw book too, but it would have seriously exceeded my budget. (As it was, I went $4 over, but that's not toooo bad, and I-I mean HE, really really wants those oil pastels).

If you don't already do the angel tree, I highly recommend it. You'd be amazed at what fun things you can pick up at the dollar store, and buying toys for a child really makes the season exciting. I won't get to meet these kids. I'll never get to watch them open their presents. But it's enough for me to know that they'll enjoy what I found for them...almost as much as I enjoyed finding it.


PS- If you're worried that I bypassed the coats and clothes for coloring books and stickers, don't be. These kids won't freeze. The rest of the team is handling clothes and hats and gloves and coats. I just asked to be in charge of fun stuff, because no kid wants JUST clothes for Christmas, no matter how much they need them.

12/10/07 Papers, Poo and Parties Too!

You were beginning to wonder if I'd ever make it back, weren't you? Honestly, I was too. But I have emerged from the murky marketing paper muck, victorious, and clutching my shiny new A. But on to other things...

1. We had my company Christmas party Friday night. All of you who know Tony know just how much he loves parties. Especially parties where he only has a passing acquaintance with other guests. Nevertheless, I am a mean, horrible wife, so I RSVP'ed that we would be attending. (Tony was hoping that I would forget that, but alas, he was out of luck). It was a semi-formal shin-dig so I wore my bridesmaid top from the Seester's wedding with a black velvet skirt. I asked Tony to wear khakis and a sweater. He informed me that he does not like to wear sweaters. (Mark that off of your Tony gift idea list). Apparently, they are warm and soft and fuzzy, and who in their right mind would like that? Anyway. Tony went with a shirt and tie, but seconds before we left the house, he decided that the tie was choking him, so he ended up being stuck with a sweater after all. (And he looked very handsome, even if it was warm and soft and fuzzy). The party was at the Hilton, and we I had a lovely time (Tony said it was tolerable). The food was good, the company was good, the atmosphere was good. We stayed for exactly 2 hours and 15 minutes, which may be a new Christmas party record.

2. For those of you who are following the edge-of-your-seat drama of The Young and the Poo-less, Dixon has been proscribed Cisapride, which causes muscle contractions in the tummy area which (in theory) moves used food through the appropriate tunnels. The good news is that we had poo two days in a row. The bad news is that it's been two days since we last had a deposit. WILL the cat ever be regular again? WILL eating the Christmas tree give him the increased fiber he's looking for? HAVE you ever seen someone so obsessed about cat poo? Tune in next time for the answers to these and other shocking questions on -Buh-Buuh-BUUUUUM! The Young...and the Poo-less!

3. Oh come on! You need a three? I just gave you a fun party antidote AND a witty take on cat poo! I only put number three because you can't have a list with fewer than three items. Go back and read the Christmas party and cat poo thing again. I'll have something new for you tomorrow.

12/6/07 Sorry...Finals And All That

What? You haven't seen a post in a few days? You're having Quirky withdrawal? I hear ya, sister. Unfortunately, it's finals time, and I've got two papers due tomorrow and a third due next week. Plus, you know, actually taking those annoying final exams. So...yeah. It's not that I don't have things to write about...I can't wait to tell you about the new angels we picked off of the angel tree. But alas, these pesky papers are each 20% of my final grade, so I can't really blow them off. If it makes you feel better, I don't have my tree, or Christmas decorations, or Christmas cards, or even the new flooring finished in the kitchen, so you aren't the only ones who are suffering from neglect.



In the mean time, I'm going to do something that I don't normally do. I'm going to repost something from last year, just so you aren't completely Quirk-less during your time of need. Shockingly, it pretty much sums up this year too, so don't feel like you've missed much.

Originally posted on 12/4/06.

I'm waaaay behind in my Christmas festivities this year. Normally, the house is decorated, the presents are purchased, and the Christmas cards are going out by the first weekend in December. True, we were out of town on Tony's-Official-Start-Of-Christmas-Decorating weekend, but still... This time between December 1st and December 25th flies by. So far, I have the outside lights up, but not burning due to a shortage of extension cords. (The final cord was purchased yesterday but I haven't had time to climb back up on the roof). So our house remains dark, even as the rest of the neighborhood shines in Griswold-like fashion. The Christmas shopping is partially complete, with all on-line purchases made and shipping out of their respective warehouses as we speak, but the items that require actually going to a store and physically buying them has yet to be done. I just can't seem to drag myself to the store and fight all those other cheerful holiday shoppers. We have no Christmas tree yet. We were going to go yesterday when we got back into town, but it was cold and dark, and we were tired. Tonight is out because I've got study group (who decided that it would be a good idea for the semester to end right before Christmas!?!). Hopefully tomorrow night after work we can swing by Lowes and pick out our annual Douglas fir. Then some lights and ornaments, and Dixon can begin his own annual tradition of homemade cat-barf wreathes. (This year, if the tree looks tasty, I'm going to buy a toy train to go around the bottom. Here's hoping that the movement scares him off). Most of the inside decorations are up, with the exception of some garland that I haven't decided where to put yet, and the snowflake window stickies that I put on the mirrors and fish tank. Every year, the collection of weird Christmas decorations seems to multiply while up in the attic. All of a sudden, we have truly weird decorations that someone probably gave us, but I have no intention of putting up. I need to have a Christmas themed garage sale before it all overtakes the attic. Haven't even started on the Christmas cards, which need to go out ASAP. We do those photo cards every year of the family (us and the cats), and the picture taking alone usually takes an evening. We average about 30 pictures of no-goes (Tony's eyes are closed, I'm making a funny face, Mason is trying to escape, the camera fell off the makeshift tripod of books and magazines, Dixon ducked his head, I didn't beat the auto-timer, Mason is fighting like mad to escape, the camera fell over again, the timer took so long that I was getting up to check on it when it flashed, Mason is a whirlwind of claws in an attempt to escape, the batteries in the camera ran out, Tony is trying to stop the bleeding from the claw marks, the camera memory is full, Dixon is eating the tree, I have one eye closed, and Mason has escaped). Surprisingly, the winning picture is usually the first one we take. Here's to Christmas though! The lights, the smells, the parties, the presents, the carols, the Christmas cards, the cat barf. I love it all. It's the most wonderful time of the year.

12/4/07 These Are A Few of My Favorite Things

Only 21 days until Christmas! Are you stressed out yet? Yeah, me neither.

Actually, I love Christmas time. I love this whole month leading up to Christmas. I love my Trans-Siberian Orchestra CD in my car, I love all the roof-top Christmas trees downtown, I love the way my mantle looks with the stockings all hung in a row. And even though I have three papers and a final to do this week, and Dixon is having a colonoscopy that costs more than the national debt, and now my home computer has a virus that can only be fixed with a complete and total reformat, I refuse to let that (or the resulting eye twitch and hair loss) get me down during one of the best times of the year. If you can ignore the hustle and bustle and resist the urge to totally stress out over Christmas to-do lists, you realize that there's magic in the air. A spirit of Christmas, if you will. And to help myself you keep that Christmas joy, I've listed a few of my favorite things about this time of year:

1.The way the lights twinkle on the tree when the rest of the room is dark.
2. Watching the animated How the Grinch Stole Christmas, because I've been watching it for 26 years now, so it's a tradition. (I love it when he puts antlers on the dog!)
3. Arranging the nativity scene just so (because Baby Jesus enjoys symmetry)
4. Baking sugar cookies with red and green sprinkles
5. Christmas parties with sausage balls and homemade candy.
6. Coming home from work in the evening to see the house all lit up in Christmas lights, thanks to that snazzy automatic timer.
7. That cinnamon potpourri that I only use during the holidays
8. The reindeer door mat with the goofy reindeer smile.
9. The ceramic Christmas tree that was my great-grandmother's.
10. My little light up Christmas village.
11. Free shipping for most online purchases
12. The blue angel on top of the tree.
13. Christmas songs on the radio (although Bing Crosby's I'll be home for Christmas makes me bawl like a baby every time it comes on).
14. Getting Christmas cards in the mail.
15. Finding that perfect present for someone.
16. Matching wrapping paper (always blue, to match the angel and the ornaments).
17. Christmas parades right in front of my office window
18. Candy canes
19. Family getting together.
20. Christmas Mass
21. The days off from work!

You'll notice that I listed 21 things, which is one thing to enjoy for every day up til Christmas. (Yeah, I'm just snazzy like that). The list, however, is in no way exhausted, so I'm interested in what you all out there in Bloggerland love most about the Christmas season (or Hanukah, or Kwanzaa, or Festivus, etc). Go ahead. Don't be shy. Big or little, what's something you like about this time of year?

12/3/07 Sigh

False alarm on the Tuesday poo announcement. I mean, there was poo, but that was the only time. Over the weekend, Dixon was so stopped up that he started vomiting every time he tried to eat anything. We took him to the ER vet last night because it had been 5 days since he'd gone to the bathroom. (The ER vet gave him a shot to stop the vomiting, but that was about it). Today, Dixon is back at his regular vet for yet another enema. Now they're saying words like "exploratory surgery" and "neurological issues" and "X-ray intestines every 15 minutes for changes in movement". Bless his poor little kitty heart. On the positive side (if there is one), we've gotten really good at giving pills. It used to be a real fight, but now we're all resigned to the fact that the pill has to be swallowed, so we might as well get on with it.

The current poo cost, if you're keeping track, sits at $750. This latest round of tests will push us over the $1000 mark. (And to think that I was griping about $250). Tony and I always go on a nice trip somewhere in lieu of Christmas presents to each other. This year, we're buying cat poo. What can you do though? Dixon is family.

Barbados will still be there next year.