10/10/07 United Way

We're doing a campaign to raise money for United Way this week at Ye Ol Company. We do it every year, with a week's worth of crazy fundraising antics, including today's Putt-putt golf challenges and yesterday's incarcerations, where people were "arrested" and held in "jail" until their bail could be met by their co-workers. In addition to our money however, United Way is looking for volunteers to help with their various organizations. One that I always participate in is the Children's Center, a daycare that relies on United Way volunteers for special projects. We take a morning and go over to the Center to help them with anything that they need done. I like it because you can help the kids without actually having to interact with them. This year, we pressure-washed their toys on the playground, helped the children get ready for Picture Day, organized the toy closet, and put up fall decorations. I brought my ladder along and changed 36 fluorescent bulbs that had gone out in the various rooms. True, I have never actually changed a fluorescent bulb before, but it was either that or get little kids ready for their pictures, and fluorescent bulbs don't have snotty noses and spilled juice on their shirts. (So I chickened out. Sue me). It turns out that changing bulbs takes a little bit of finessing, but I have the magic touch. All I had to do was tap the new light, and it would suddenly come on. This is endlessly entertaining to small children, who have never seen lights or a person or a ladder before, because no matter how quietly I snuck into the room, 20 pairs of giant toddler eyes would swivel over and stare, open-mouthed, at what I was doing. Mostly, the kids watched silently while I balanced on my ladder, safely out of their snotty-fingered reach, with the exception of one little boy who was curious enough to wander over and block my escape route, effectively trapping me on the fourth step.

"Wha doin?"
"Who me? I'm changing this light bulb"
"Wha doin?"
"Er, I'm changing this LIGHT BULB. See? It's out."
"Wha doin?"
(Sigh). "Never mind. Where's your teacher? She'll tell you what I'm doing."
Five full seconds of silence while he digests this, then:
"Wha doin?"

Irritating child. Obviously the spawn of Barbara Walters. Luckily, it was time for his picture, so his teacher ushered him out of the room, and I was able to make my escape.

In another room, I was treated to the fantastic musical styling of a Mr. Wiggles, who was singing a catchy little song about making a fruit salad. The children knew all the words and even a little dance routine that went with the song. (I was impressed). Unfortunately, I do not know all the words or the corresponding dance, yet the tune continues to play in my head, forcing me to walk around mumbling "duh-de-duh-de-duh, Fruit salad!" I have been humming that fruit salad song for 48 hours now. You better hope I never find you in a dark alley, Mr. Wiggles.

It is my opinion that daycares run on extremely organized chaos. Everything they do is meticulously planned and scheduled and recorded, yet there's always children yelling, or running in every direction, or falling down, or crying, or needing to be changed, or whatever. I really do not understand how the teachers can keep up with it all. I'd have a blowgun and a case of tranquilizer darts on hand at all times. I did take a time out from light bulb changing to sneak into the baby room though. (I like them because they can't run off and get into trouble. You just sit them in that bouncy circular thing and they're happy just to jump up and down in place). I had a lovely conversation with Joshua, a 7 month old who hasn't quite figured out how to crawl yet. (What to do with these infernal legs!? They're always in the way!) Anyway, Joshua wasn't overly drooly or snotty or smelly, so we got along fine. We sat in the floor and discussed the ratio of red balls to blue balls in the rattle that he had, and whether or not the over-simulation from all that red would have lasting ramifications on his left-brain vs right-brain cognitive development. (Joshua says yes. I think there are too many other variables to be statistically conclusive. The baby teacher/watcher/changer person just rolled her eyes). At the end of our visit, just as I was leaving, Joshua's teacher said that she was very impressed that we got along so well, because Joshua is apparently at a stage where he's "Stranger Apprehensive". That basically means that he starts screaming whenever someone he doesn't know comes into the room. He didn't do that with me, however, and the teacher was surprised (especially after the red ball/blue ball discussion, when she decided that I was a complete nut job). I told her that Joshua must have recognized a kindred spirit, because I'm stranger apprehensive too.

Anyway, I had a lot of fun, we helped the Center get a lot of small jobs accomplished, the place is a lot brighter now due to all the new bulbs I put in, and I had another relatively positive baby-related encounter. I highly recommend volunteering if you have some extra time on your hands.

Just watch out for that Mr. Wiggles fellow and the kid who asks "Wha doin?".