10/12/07 I'm Not Really a Chiropractor...I Just Play One on TV

I apologize for leaving you Quirk-less yesterday. I've twinged (a medical term) a muscle in my neck, which is incredibly painful and makes it difficult to do things like support the weight of my own head. I missed work yesterday (I NEVER miss work) because it hurt so much I couldn't move. On the plus side, I think all the extra rest allowed me to fight off the beginnings of the cold that I think I was catching. So...no cold, but immobilizing pain. Lucky me.

I manage to mess myself up like this a couple of times a year, so at least I have a battle plan: the TENS unit (aka, Baby Back Zapper). If you've ever been to a chiropractor, you know that one of their delicious little back fixing tricks is to hook you up to little sticky pads and shock your muscles back into submission. The TENS unit does the same thing, only on a brilliantly portable level. I highly highly highly recommend it for misbehaving back or neck muscles. I used to just borrow Dad's (since he also has a history of breaking himself) or Aunt Suzie's (suffers from chronic back pain), but I just decided to buy my own so that I can keep it close at hand for the next time I partially paralyze myself. (And it keeps the family from fighting over them if we have more than one back mishap at a time. You know that old adage, "The family that shocks itself with mild electrical pulses together..."). Yeah, that one.

Anyway, I'm doing much better today. I was able to slowly roll out of bed, and dress myself, and brush my teeth, which is a huge improvement over yesterday, when I was stuck laying on the floor for two hours. (The floor thing was my own fault. I had decided that laying in the floor might realign my head with my spine, but I didn't think about how I was going to get back up). Sitting up is incredibly painful, and requires me to hold my head in both hands to take the weight off of my neck. Unfortunately, this is a bit more complicated than I anticipated. Plus, I made the mistake of getting stuck right before the cats' scheduled dinner time, so both boys stood right next to me and yelled for their evening meal instead of doing the Lassie thing and running next door to alert the neighbors that I couldn't get back up. (Remember that commercial for the Medic Alert button where the old lady is laying in the floor yelling "I've fallen, and I can't get up!"? This incident was God punishing me for making fun of her). Anyway, I was just going to wait for Tony to come home and pick me up, but USDA showed up at the plant unexpectedly, so he stayed late for them. Sometimes a girl's just gotta take matters into her own hands. I ended up inching over to the end of the chaise and using it to support my head while I scooted back into a sitting position. The entire scooting operation took me about 45 minutes, but I managed to get back to an upright position about 5 minutes before Tony came home, which just goes to show that the fates enjoy laughing at my struggles.

But anyway, that was yesterday, and I feel much better today. Only somewhat moderately painful instead of just-kill-me-now painful. I've zapped myself enough to light up all my organs up like a small city, but I think it's worth it, because the neck is finally beginning to listen to reason.

God bless the Baby Back Zapper.