10/23/07 Monkey Madness

Did you hear about how the mayor of New Delhi was killed on Sunday when he fell off of his balcony after being attacked by a roving pack of angry monkeys? The mayor was in his home when the monkeys attacked him. (Obviously the monkeys had no problems getting security clearance). I don't want to belittle this man's death, but if you had to guess how you were going to meet your maker, would being pushed off of a balcony by angry monkeys even make the top 20?

Apparently in New Delhi, as many as 10,000 monkeys (10,000!) roam through the city, getting into government buildings and temples and trying to steal food from people. (They also have the bad habits of ripping up important documents and leaving monkey poo in unfortunate places). The government can't kill the monkeys because they are sacred to Hindus on account of Hanuman, the monkey god. (Question: And can you punish the monkeys after they've killed someone, or are they still under religious immunity?) If not, you end up with an office full of monkeys, and there's nothing you can do about it. Can you imagine having to go to your boss and be like, "The monkeys beat me up and took my TPS report"?

Many people in India carry sticks to avoid just such attacks, bopping the monkeys on the head to scare them off. (Head bopping is apparently not a religious no-no). Primatologists also recommend using the "open-mouth threat", where you form an "O" with your mouth, lean forward and raise your eyebrows. (Ironically, this look is also useful when warding off door to door salesmen and co-workers who want you to purchase overpriced wrapping paper for their kid's fundraiser).

Say what you will about commuter traffic and office politics and insane customer demands. At least your co-workers aren't literally monkeys (only figuratively). And the next time you're having a bad day, just say to yourself, "Yes, things are lousy, but at least I wasn't attacked and pushed off of a balcony by a roving pack of angry monkeys". That tends to put things into prospective.