3/24/08 The Dating Meme

So waaaay back on March 18th, Erin over at Fully Alive Ready to Smile tagged me for a meme, and I tried to do it, I really did, but it wanted five different answers for just about every question under the sun, and I just couldn't handle that kind of pressure. I went completely brain dead. So instead, I'm offering this substitute meme as a gesture of peace and goodwill, and because it only wants one answer per question.

Instead, I give you the Dating Meme.

1) What is one life lesson that you learned while dating?

Don't pity date. I learned this one in 9th grade. I was totally caught off guard one day when one of my guy friends "asked me out" (which at this age is basically like a title promotion with no pay raise...you get a "boyfriend" but you never see each other outside of school). Anyway, I didn't like like him, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I said sure. Only it turns out that he didn't like like me either...he just decided that it would help his coolness rating if he had a girlfriend. He made a list of "acceptable candidates" and worked his way down the list until he found one dumb enough to say okay. So we "dated", except that absolutely nothing changed between us. As a matter of fact, I forgot that we were "going out" completely, until the day that he told me that he was breaking up, and I responded with "with who?" (In hindsight, I don't think he appreciated that. I think he had expected me to be more broken up about it. Oh well). Anyway, I learned absolutely nothing from that "relationship" except that I felt really stupid when I found out that I was just another name on his list and he was just using me to up his cool status, and I went along with it because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Hence no more pity dating.

2) What was your best date ever?

I guess I better pick one with dear hubby, shouldn't I? :-) I'd say that our best date was after we were married for a few years, and wasn't really a "date" at all. I came home from work one night and Tony had made dinner and set the dining table (we never eat at the table) with our nice wedding china and goblets and everything. He even lit candles (although to be honest it was my Yankee Candles, so everything had a mixed smell of lemon meringue and Ocean Breezes, but still...) It was totally sweet and totally out of the blue, and a very romantic gesture when I didn't expect one at all. My snuggle bear is so good to me.

3) Worst date ever?

I guess it would have to be in college, and it wasn't that the date was all that horrible...it's not like he was a prison escapee or abandoned me at a biker bar or anything...it was just that it was painfully obvious that we didn't click. (Have you ever thought you connected to someone while you were in a group setting, but when you actually went on a date one on one, you realized that you have absolutely nothing in common?) We went to a really bad student-written play at the University playhouse consisting of the main character rolling around in a shallow pool of water and wailing for an hour and a half, followed by an awkward dinner where the only thing he talked about was how cool his friend was. (Like, total friend hero worship here. I think he really wanted to be on a date with his friend instead of me...I know I did). Anyway, we toughed it out for a few hours, he gave me a horrible goodnight kiss that reminded me of kissing a dead fish, and we never went out again. Like I said, not that bad, and yet somehow still manages to trigger my gag reflex.

4) What's the longest time you ever dated someone?

Does marrying them count? Because even though we are married, we still go on dates. If that counts, then we've been dating about 7 years. If marriage doesn't count, then 2 years...I date everybody for two years. Apparently I was a marathon dater. Tony knew we were meant to be when he made it past the two year mark...no one previous to him had done so.

5) Breaking up is hard to do...What was your hardest breakup?

I'd say it was one that I had in college, and it was my fault that it was so hard because I was trying to remain friends with the guy, so we kept going to dinner and watching tv together and stuff. Which seemed like a great idea to me, but to him looked a whole lot like sending mixed signals. The poor guy didn't know what kind of relationship we had, so the uncomfortable stage lasted forever instead of being a clean break. Another lesson learned I guess.

6) Are you still friends with anyone you've ever dated?

No, but it's not like I hate them either. It's just that we are no longer in contact. (Exception: I was included on a mass mailing not too long ago from an ex who had just become an uncle. He had pictures of his new nephew, and I think he sent it out to everyone in his address book). Other than that, I'm not sure where any of the old boyfriends are or what they're doing. After we split, they went their way and I went mine. I think it's better that way really. (See the clean break lesson above). Not that I would mind if they looked me up and sent me a "How's life?" email, but I'm not looking to reconnect with anyone on any level.

There you go. Fascinating stuff I know. I'm tagging Erin back again since she seems to be on a meme theme (it rhymes!) and hasn't done this one yet, and the Seester because she changed boyfriends more often than underwear and has some really good stories, and anyone else who is looking for something to write about and needs an easy topic. Just try to keep it family friendly, and remember that what you put on the Internet stays there forever, so be careful naming names.