8/17/06 The Great Paper Toilet Seat Cover Conspiracy

You know those paper toilet seat covers in public bathrooms? I don't get those. Oh, I understand the concept, but when it comes to actual application, I seem to fall woefully short. The part I seem to have the most problem with is the ripping the little inside part away from the part that you sit on. It's only attached by a 1/4" bit of paper in a couple of places, and yet, I can't tear through it. I try to pull them apart, but the tear goes shooting off in the other direction instead, and I end up ripping the entire thing in half. I tried tearing little bits at a time and then connecting the dots. I tried ripping the whole thing quickly. I tried holding the entire thing with one hand and punching at it with the other. At this point, the line has formed outside the stall, and the woman next in line is tentatively knocking and asking, "Are you okay in there?" And then, if by some miracle, you can actually get the two parts separated with enough paper still intact to cover the seat, the whole thing slides mockingly into the toilet before you can sit down. I hate those toilet seat covers! I know they are the technological advance to the whole "spreading the toilet paper strips all around the seat" deal, but come on! By the time you battle the thing into surrender, you've already lost bladder control, and the whole point is moot. I'm just saying there's got to be a better way.