6/3/08 Don't Forget

If you are filling up your brand new hot tub in your lovingly redecorated basement spa retreat, and your husband comes down to see what you're doing, don't let him help.

And if you do let him him help, and he asks if you've tried turning the jets on yet, even though the tub is only 3/4 of the way full, don't tell him that you haven't.

And if you do tell him that you haven't, don't listen to him when he tells you to try turning it on.

And if you do listen to him when he tells you to try turning it on, don't forget to tell him that you don't think turning it on before it is all the way full is such a good idea.

And if you do forget to tell him that you don't think turning it on before it is all the way full is such a good idea, don't tell yourself that nothing bad could happen because the water is already over the water intake valves.

And if you do tell yourself that nothing bad could happen because the water is already over the water intake valves, don't forget to point the back jets downward.

And if you do forget to point the back jets downward, don't tell your husband to push the button to turn on the jets.

And if you do tell your husband to push the button to turn on the jets, don't just stand there in shock as the water sprays out of the not-yet-covered, upward pointing jets and drenches both of you, and the wall behind you, and the floor.

And if you do stand there in shock as the water sprays out of the not-yet-covered, upward pointing jets and drenches both of you, and the wall behind you, and the floor, don't yell to your husband to push the button again to turn it off.

And if you do yell to your husband to push the button again to turn it off, don't forget to tell him to hit it twice, because hitting it once only turns the jets to full power, spraying even more water out onto the wall, and the floor, and yourself.

And if you do forget to tell him to hit it twice, because hitting it once only turns the jets to full power, don't forget to duck to avoid taking a full-force stream of 50 degree water to the chest as you fight your way over to the main cutoff switch.

And if you do forget to duck to avoid taking a full-force stream of 50 degree water to the chest as you fight your way over to the main cutoff switch, don't forget to grab a handful of towels to toss at your dripping husband to wipe up the dripping floor.

And if you forget to grab a handful of towels to toss at your dripping husband to wipe up the dripping floor and dripping walls, don't forget to remind him whose dumb idea it was to turn on the jets before the spa was full in the first place.