11/3/06 Buns in the oven

One of my bestest buddies from, like, the 6th grade (and subsequent college roommate) just announced she's pregnant. She's very happy, so I'm very happy for her. But what's this? An unusual reaction underneath all this happiness? It's...the teeniest kernel of jealousy?

Hold the phone! This is very unusual for me. I've always considered kids to be a lot like horses...a neat thing to have if you're in to that kind of thing, but personally, I think they're more trouble than they're worth. And expensive. And a lifelong commitment. No thanks.

Plus, (and this is a deep dark admission for me here) they kind of scare me. I don't know how to act towards them. You know those people that kids naturally gravitate to? I'm not one of them. I'm the person that the kid is hiding from behind Mommy's legs while she's going, "That's funny. He's not usually shy...".

Annnnnd, you have to KNOW things about kids. Not only things like what rashes require medical attention and how much frosted cereal is too much, but you also have to be very careful not to scar them emotionally or accidentally turn them into a serial killer. (Why are 99% of people needing therapy today? They think their parents screwed them up). Sure, sure, people say it's all instinct, and that the mommy skills will show up when needed, but what if they don't? By then you're stuck. All sales are final in the kiddie department. (Case in point: the other day Jessica brought her 8 year old to work after we'd had a giant team party. The kid asked if he could eat the last deviled egg. I shrug. Sure, why not? Suddenly Jessica comes flying around the corner. "Don't eat that!" she yells, "That egg has been sitting out at room temperature for almost 8 hours!" Now, I would have let the kid eat the egg and not thought another thing about it. If he was my kid, he'd probably be having his stomach pumped right about now). That's not the sign of a good parent.

Anyway, all this is to say that normally when babies show up, I keep a tentative distance while thinking, "That kid looks like a bright red hairless monkey-child". And I was okay with that, because that's just how I am. But suddenly, the biological clock that I thought was permanently stuck at Never just went "tick". Not that I'm going to start popping out kids ASAP (sorry mom), but the IDEA of kids just got jumped from the "I'd rather lose a limb in a grain auger" list to the "I need more information before making any decisions" list. I'm going to keep an eye on how it goes for Nicole. If she does okay, I'll consider it...in a few years.