6/26/07 Genes

There's an article in the New York Times (oooooh, be impressed that I'm so well read!) called The National Pastime by David Brooks. You can read the article here, but the gist is that people are now using sperm banks to shop for genetic superiority for their children. You can now custom build your offspring to be smart, beautiful, healthy, tall, and athletic. Does your family suffer from generations of pasty white skin? You can even shop profiles for "tannability", so your child will be able to bronze effortlessly. (I'm serious! Go read the article. Then read Huxley's Brave New World). Of course, with all this genetic shopping, you lose a lot of the diversity, like everyone under 5'9", or people with green eyes, or dark hair, or male pattern baldness. The good news is, your kid looks just like Brad Pitt. The bad news is, so does everybody else's. Sure, Brad looks good now, but he kinds loses his appeal when there's a million other Brads to choose from also. And according to these genetic ebays, there is quite the demand for blond haired, blue eyed, athletic people who are smart. (The Harvard newspaper runs ads for eggs from Harvard-attending females. The going sale price is $50,000). I have just one thing to say to that:

I've officially decided to put my sister up for sale.

Why settle for an egg when you could buy the entire sister? She's blond haired, blue eyed, athletic and at Harvard. (Of course, you'll also get her pasty white skin, and freakishly long toes, but buyer beware, ya know?) I'll even throw in her hubby, who also has blue eyes, is tall, and likes to cook. Both of them for one low price...that's a great package deal! Contact me with your bid price.

(I've gotta say though, as cool as The Stepher is, I wouldn't really want more than one of them around. Trust me on this one. I grew up with her once. Think twice before you want a house-full).

Another thing that bothers me about this whole genetic coding (other than it smacks of Hitler's whole "superior race" thing)? It totally takes the environment out of the equation. And personal drive and perseverance. There's nothing saying that your kid is going to Harvard if you went to Harvard. There's nothing saying that your kid will even want to finish the 4th grade. A whole lot of it is how you raise him, and the values that you as a parent instill in him, and his own personal dedication. And if those are the deciding factors to success, does it really matter what color his eyes are?

I say let nature make the choice. If you end up being, say, a blog writer with green eyes and dark hair and big feet, then so be it. Celebrate your quirkiness! Embrace it! It's important to be unique! That's why I've decided to take The Stepher officially off the market.