1/13/10 Confessions

They say confession is good for the soul. I'm not sure if they meant that you should post it on the Internet for the entire world to see, but what the hey, right? In the name of learning more things about me than you honestly wanted to know, let's try it.

Off the top of my head:

I read a lot of books in the "young adult" genre. I like to think that the library check-out people just think that I have a pre-teen at home, but nope. It's just me. Reading half my life span below my reading level. Not that EVERYTHING I read is young adult...I read lots of non-fiction and the classics and adult fiction too...I just like the occasional young adult story. They're good clean fun, still have lots of adventures, and have lots of imagination in them. Aliens, futuristic robot people, alternate worlds, dragons, kids who can fly...it's just fun to me.

Sometimes when it's really quiet and I'm alone, I can hear a radio playing or a tv on somewhere. But get this- it's just me here. By myself. And nothing's on. (Cue the Twilight zone music, which no, I haven't heard yet but it's probably only a matter of time). The sound is always just faint enough that I can't really make out the words, but I can definitely pick up the beat and various instruments. Sometimes it's talking. Sometimes I think it's a TV because I can hear a laugh track. Yes, I know it's weird. Lucille Ball told a story once about being able to pick up radio signals in her fillings. Part of me hopes that's the case with me and not that I'm, you know, insane.

Sometimes when I'm out running errands somewhere, I play "Would I ever date that guy?". I know, I know, happily married. But still. You have to pass the time somehow while grocery shopping right? Luckily for my hubby, most of my fellow shoppers fail to meet my exacting standards.

The hair under my arms? It grows incredibly fast. Incredibly. Sometimes I have five o'clock shadow underarm hair. I shave daily to keep from being all Gorillas in the Mist, but it's very frustrating. (I'm also open to suggestions if anybody has any recommendations for this. Except for waxing. I tried that once and it removed two or three layers of skin along with the hair. Mucho painful-o...not to mention that the stupid hair grew back before the skin did). The hairy armpit freak gene? I gots it.

I can't wait to get back into an office job. When I first started this, I thought I would really enjoy staying home all the time. But you know what? It sucks. I mean, yeah, the hours are great and all, but there are days that I don't talk to anyone all day, and that is slowly making me insane. I find myself deliberately striking up conversations with the meter-reader guy just to hear someone else's voice. I have GOT to get back into an office with other people.

Sometimes when I hear one of the cats hoarking up a major hairball in the other room, I deliberately don't go to investigate. That way when Tony comes home to find it, I can say that I didn't see it there and he'll clean it up instead. It's just that hairballs are REALLY REALLY gross, and they don't bother Tony at all, so I figure it's easier for us just to play to our strengths.

Sometimes if I'm just hanging around at home, I won't bother to shower and get dressed until right before Tony gets home. I just lounge around with my slovenly self until about 20 minutes before he's supposed to show, and then I jump in the shower and get dressed so that he won't know I've been a total layabout. Sometimes I'll toss a load of laundry in too so that when he asks me what I've done all day, I can honestly look at him and go, "Oh, you know. Some laundry".

I keep a chocolate stash in the cabinet with the wedding china, behind the wine goblets. I'm not sure who I'm hiding it from since Tony knows that to eat my chocolate would be to instantly call down a hail of fury onto his head, but still. I don't want to tempt him. Out of sight, out of mind and all that. (Plus, I think he keeps his own chocolate stash at work anyway). What's mine is his and what's his is mine...with the exception of the chocolate. Then it's just all mine.

I occasionally eat beef jerky as a meal. Sure, the sodium will probably kill me eventually, but as far as being a low fat, good source of protein, you can't really beat it. To keep up with my jerky habit, I tend to buy it in bulk every couple of months. I buy it at the Dollar Store (yes, another confession. In a totally red-neck way, I admit to buying beef jerky at the Dollar Store. It's the same stuff they sell at the grocery store, only about $3 cheaper) but the cashiers always look at me funny when I skulk up to the register with 50 bags of beef jerky. I've tried to insinuate that I'm a really really REALLY avid camper and it travels well, but I think they just think I'm crazy.

Well that was fun. Does anyone else have any confessions that they'd like to share? Now is the time. (Which is to say, shortly before the mocking starts). I've just admitted to being a hairy armed, jerky-eating chocoholic who reads kid's books for my own amusement, so whatever you have can't be nearly as bad.