If Crying Was an Olympic Sport...

I'm not much of a cryer. Not at weddings. Not even really at funerals. It's not something that I generally do. I'm Ms. Steady Emotions, remember? Crying isn't really my bag.

There is, however, one exception.

The Olympics. I bawl over the Olympics. There's just something about all the athletes' stories of challenge and strength and discipline that gets me Every. Single. Time. I cry when they win. I cry when they lose. I cry for the favorites. I cry for the underdogs. I cry when they're all standing there on the little podium and the winning national anthem is played...even when it isn't my country's anthem.

So I knew I was in trouble when Tony and I were watching TV today and the following commercial came on:

Commercial announcer: So-and-so speed skater found out that his sister Jane had died moments before his race.

Me: Oh! That's so sad! What lousy timing!

Announcer: So he promised her that he'd win the gold.

Me: (Tears welling). He's going to win the gold for his dead sister!

Tony: (not really paying attention and hasn't figured out yet what's going on) Babe? You okay?

Announcer: Until he fell and lost.

Tony: Babe?

Me: (with tears falling freely now as the screen shows the guy sitting on the ice with his head in his hands) He...*sniffle*...he...*sniffle*...FELL DOWN!

Tony: (confused) Well...yeah. He fell down and lost like, three different times.

Me: (really getting going now) But he was...*sniff*...trying to...*sniff* for his...*sniff*...DEAD SISTER! (bawling).

Announcer: Until six years later, when he finally won the gold...

Tony: (alarmed now because I've managed to achieve full meltdown in less than 3.7 seconds) It's okay, sweetheart. It's just a commercial.

Announcer: ...and was able to take his victory lap with his daughter...

Me: (wiping eyes as shot of skater holding a toddler fills the screen) Yeah...*sniff*...I'm okay....*sniff*...I'm fine now. He got to win and skate with his daugh-

Announcer: ...Jane.

Me: (Blubbering uncontrollably). Waaaaaaaaaaaa!

Tony: (Wondering if it's not too late to trade me in for the SANE model). It's going to be a long couple of months leading up to the Olympics, isn't it?

Yes dear, yes it is. You might as well get used to it. I am Olympically unstable.

(The really sad part is that after I had managed to get myself under control and watch the next two normal, non-Olympic commercials, that exact same commercial came on again! And I thought, oh, I've got this now. I'm prepared for it now. Wrong! I cried over the EXACT. SAME. COMMERCIAL not one minute later! I'm losing all credibility as a non-cryer...and a sane person).

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