I See This Turning Into A Lifetime Movie

I'm trying to think of something non-preggo to tell you about since I promised that the blog wouldn't turn into a second-by-second account of all things baby. (Although, if you're wondering, this entire week can pretty much be summed up with: I'm bloated. I'm nauseated. I hate V-8. I already feel heavy and thick. And if I ever choke down another stinking dry saltine cracker, it will be too soon. On the other hand, I'm so freaking excited about it I can't see straight.)

In other news, I'm having to detox Tony off of nasal spray. Three weeks ago, he caught a cold. (Normally, Tony's modus operandi is to catch a cold, bring it home, pass it off to me and return to perfect health while I suffer with it for weeks on end...You can imagine my joy at this arrangement). Only this time, for reasons I haven't been able to figure out yet, I didn't take the cold when he offered it to me. (Oh I tried, of course. He brought it home and presented it to me and I immediately got a sore throat. But strangely, nothing ever progressed beyond that. The sore throat went away after a day, and Tony kept his cold). And because I didn't take it, Tony kept it for weeks. (Yes, I'm aware that cold germs and the immune systems are slightly more complex than your average game of hot potato, but it seems to be the pattern. I didn't take it, and he had to keep it). Anyway, Tony has this weird quirk where he enjoys breathing through his nose, so for a while there Afrin was his best friend.

If you don't happen to be a user of nasal sprays, you should know that they are fabulous for cutting through the congestion and letting one breathe again. They're like Liquid Plumber for the nose. They help you win the war on clogs. But there's a catch-22. You're only supposed to use them 3 to 5 times before they quit being effective, and worse, actually inflame your nose so that you feel even more stuffed up. Tony knows this, of course, but like all Afrin junkies, he was lured in by the bright lights and promises of being able to breathe again if he did just one more squirt.

I decided an intervention was needed when he'd actually been over his cold for a week, but still couldn't breathe because he'd been using the nasal sprays too long and was all clogged up with angry nasal passages. I took away his squeeze bottle stash and made him sit on the couch while I read him my letter, just like they do on TV. ("Dear Tony, Your nose is seriously ticked off at you, and for good reason. You gotta lay off the nasal spray, dude. Some of us are tired of listening to you snore all night. Love, Me").

So now he's off, cold turkey. It'll take a few days for the inflammation to die down, but I'm hoping that with time, he'll eventually be able to breathe again without the use of drugs and lead a happy, normal life. It's hard, but he's taking it one inhale at a time.

Be strong, man. Be strong. Don't let your child grow up without a Daddy who can breathe through his nose.

If you or a loved one is suffering from angry nasal passages, please feel free to contact our organization, Wives Against Nasal Abuse By Husbands Who Fail To Read Simple Dosage Directions On Nose Sprays, or WANABHWFTRSDDONS. We can help.