4/20/07 Communication Breakdown

Most of my co-workers have children. I do not. Most of my co-worker's children are at roughly the same age. Mine are not. Most of my co-workers stand around swapping stories about all the things that their children do and say and think and aspire to be in life. I usually have nothing to contribute on these topics. (Parents, be mindful of your childless friends...it is very difficult for people who live in a household where no one has spelling tests, or gets grounded, or is too young for tee-ball, or needs assistance in using the bathroom to relate. We don't even know how to approach something like that).

Co-worker Mom #1: ...And then Sammy's fever spiked to 103, but his pediatrician said that sometimes those ear thermometers can't be as accurate at higher temperatures as the rectal thermometers, so we've been checking his temperature rectally every 3 hours.
Me: ...
Co-worker Mom #2 and #3 however, nod sympathetically.
Co-worker Mom #2: Well, I've been interviewing schools to see where we want Jack to start pre-pre-kindergarten next year. I really like this one school, but the teacher-to-child ratio is a little high, and the school only offers Medieval Renaissance music appreciation class twice a week, and nothing on Later Victorian Chamber Music.
Me: ...
Co-worker Mom #3: Have you seen the new Quick N Carry car seat? It's fabulous! It goes from a car seat to a stroller to a booster seat to a pull behind car trailer to a NASA approved space station!
Co-worker Mom #1 and #2: Oooooooh!
Me: ...

Then I had an epiphany! I have cats right? They're small, right? They eat and sleep and poop too, even though they do it by themselves and without calling for me to come wipe them. Sometimes I even carry Dixon. I say they count.

Co-worker Mom #1: My oldest was George Washington in his school play last night! He did such a good job! We worked on those lines for weeks!
Co-worker Mom #2 and #3: That's great!
Me: My cat ate a bee last night!
Co-worker Mom #1, #2 and #3: ...
Me: Don't worry, he was able to throw it up again after a couple of tries.
Co-worker Mom #1, #2 and #3: ...
Me: He was chasing it around the screened-in porch, and then before I could get to him, down it went!
Co-worker Mom #1, #2 and #3: ...
Me: Heh-heh. Well, kids right? What can you do?
Co-worker Mom #1, #2 and #3: ...

Maybe my story would have been better received with Late Victorian Era Chamber Music and a Quick N Carry car seat.