4/30/07 Seeing It

Today I had a frozen Healthy Choice French Bread Pizza for lunch. (I eat them because first, they're tasty, second, they're a quick 2 minutes in the microwave to fix, and third, because I figure anything with Healthy in the name means that it cancels out the "badness" of eating this stash of girl scout cookies for desert). Anyway, the little pizza comes frozen, and before I put it in the microwave, I arrange all the little pepperoni pieces evenly and in nice straight little pepperoni rows so that each bite has equal amounts of pepperoni in it. Seems logical to me. Not so with the lady who was also in the kitchen waiting for her food to cook.

Nosy lady: Do you always do that?
Me: Do what?
Nosy lady: Arrange your pepperoni in lines like that.
Me: Well, yes. When I pull it out of the box, all the pepperonis are frozen together in a clump. I'm just spreading them out.
Nosy lady: Uh-huh. (Gives me the oh-my-gosh-I've-just-figured-out-you're-insane look).
Me: It makes it taste better.
Nosy lady who obviously thinks I'm crazy: How does putting the pepperoni in a line make it taste better?
Me: It...cooks more evenly. And you get a little pepperoni with every bite.
Nosy lady who obviously thinks I'm crazy and is now backing away slowly: Uh-huh.
Me (calling after her as she flees the room): Well it does!

So I like balance and uniformity. Sue me. It's not like I was measuring out exactly how far apart the pepperonis should be from each other (like I do with my tulip bulbs, come to think of it). And so what if I spent a couple of hours yesterday making sure that the flower beds around the trees in the front yard were exact circles? (They weren't by the way. I think the people who had the house before us just eyeballed it when they dumped the mulch down. Now, thanks to me, a tape measure, and a can of spray paint, they are exactly 140" from the tree on all sides).

At this point, you're either agreeing wholeheartedly with Nosy lady that I'm crazy, or you're nodding along. The way I figure it, you're either one of those people who see it, or you're one who doesn't. To find out which, take this highly scientific test that I just made up off the top of my head:

1) If you've ever walked in to a room and noticed a picture frame was crooked, you're probably one who sees it.

2) If you've ever tried to explain to your spouse that piling more ornaments on one side of the Christmas tree versus the other makes it "heavy", you can see it.

3) If you've ever measured the wall space around a shelf before hanging it up so that it's in the EXACT center, you see it.

4) If you've ever driven by my front yard and noticed (before yesterday, that is) that the round beds under the trees were a little more oval than circle, you see it.

5) If you carry a tape measure and/or level in your pocket, purse, or car because you never know when you'll need it, you can see it.

6) If, however, you are like Tony and don't care that the beds weren't exactly a circle, or that there are two pepperonis overlapping, then you are one who doesn't "see", and chances are you have no idea that people are sitting in your house being totally distracted by your obviously off-centered shelf. And we pity you, you poor pepperoni-clumped fool.