5/1/08 Raccoon 2, Humans 0

It's day 4 of having our roof littered with raccoon traps, and guess what? NO RACCOON! I know he's up there. I hear him moving around. He just will not go into the traps! He's mocking us!

Maybe he doesn't like marshmallows. Maybe he's watching his girlish figure. Maybe he is not swayed by the fact that I broke down and am now scarfing marshmallows like they are going out of style even though I have to be in a wedding on Saturday and this bridesmaid dress does not allow for any more marshmallow-induced poundage. (I would claim that I'm just eating the marshmallows to entice the raccoon to do the same, but who am I kidding? An oversized attic-crashing wild animal has more will power against marshmallows than I do. It's just sad I tell you).

The guy who put the traps out for us, Trapper Joe (we had to find a new guy after Trapper Dan fell off the roof and then refused to come back out to our house), called last night to check on things. "No raccoon?" he asked incredulously after we told him that the traps were empty. "Are you sure?" Yes Trapper Joe. I think I would have noticed a 30lb animal sitting in a wire box, raising cane on my roof for all the world (and wedding party guests) to hear. "Hmmm", says Trapper Joe, "Crafty little devil". Thank you Trapper Joe. Perhaps you can lure him into the box by doing a swan dive off the roof...he seemed to enjoy it when Trapper Dan did it.

Trapper Joe wonders whether our particular house guest is a repeat offender and has been caught before. If so, he may realize that bad things happen when he pops that innocent looking marshmallow into his mouth. (A lesson I am still trying to grasp). If he's been previously incarcerated and someone just drove him over to my neighborhood to release him, then he'll know how the traps work and to avoid them. Faaaaabulous. Not only did the only raccoon in a 20 mile radius decide that he just HAD to live in our attic, but he's also a genius raccoon. Maybe I can convince him to balance my checkbook while he's staying with us.

To recap: Ugly cages on my roof, wedding party tonight, out of town guests staying with us, raccoon still running amok and refusing to be caught by the trap. And a perfectly good marshmallow sitting up there, not being eaten by anyone.

It's enough to drive a person to OD on puffed sugary goodness. Do you think the raccoon would mind if I took his?