3/20/06 "Just wait til we get our Ames on you"

By the way, the title up there is meant to be sung to the Hanes commercial jingle, so that it goes, "Just wait til we get our Ames on you!"...Yeah, never mind.

For all my Non Hah-vard fans out there, the Ames is this contest that they do at Harvard Law where they get in little teams and write briefs, and then "battle" those briefs in oral arguments against other teams. I think there's a round every semester or so, until the third year, when somebody wins. I asked what they won for all of this hard work, but apparently you just get your name in the paper or something. I'd at least hold out for a toaster.

To help you better visualize such a battle, close your eyes and imagine the following:

Scene: Still shot of HLS campus, in colorful Pokemon style animation.

Two law students are standing in a ring with the traditional oversized eyes of Japanese Anime, and funky spikes of hair. Suddenly one pulls out a little red and white ball and throws it, calling out something asinine like, "Ridinghood v Wolf brief, I choose YOU!" Close up on the brief with "zooming through the air" streaks rushing past, and several minutes of strobe-like flashing which causes entire cities to have epileptic fits. Change to close-up on other opponent's face, which is a slow motion, ridiculously prolonged expression of shock. Add gasp. (Because the first rule of Amine is "Why talk when you can do a close up on a single art frame and just gasp?).

Now, you'll be glad to know that when Stepher and her teammate Allison totally rocked the kasbah in their oral arguments, so they will be moving on to the next round. True to the Pokemon form, they won by keeping their eyes as large as possible and prolonging each facial
expression an additional 15 seconds before changing suddenly to the next one. They also gasped a lot instead of speaking. Growls also work. Guaranteed win.

So my congrats to all you Ames teams who have made it to the next round. Be sure to display your briefs so that they resemble a small yellow flying squirrel thing, or a dinosaur with wings.